Podcast Episode Five: Radical Honesty, Part Two: Liberate Yourself

Sometimes the law can't be foller'd no way... Not in decency, anyways. They's lots of times when you can't... Sometimes a fella got to sift the law. -- Pa Joad, from John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath


Back in January I wrote a post called Radical Honesty, after Brad Blanton’s book of the same name. I said that I was going to do a 30-day trial in which I had to share my thoughts in any given moment with whoever was around, totally uncensored. So if I ran into you and my immediate thought was that you’re ugly, then I would have to say so.

Of course, I didn’t go through with that trial. It was way too scary. It was also silly considering I hadn’t read the book yet. I didn’t really understand what radical honesty was all about. But now, 7 months later, I have read the book, and I have begun to embrace the path of honesty. This is easily one of the most important books I’ve ever read. For anyone who is committed to living consciously, being in touch with their feelings, mental-emotional well-being, and having strong, loving relationships, this book is necessary. It will challenge you, but you need this challenge.

I was originally just going to write an article on this, but I felt more compelled to record a podcast. That required some honesty for me to accept. :P

This podcast write-up will take the form of a messy list. I would like for you to enjoy it, but if you don’t, well, I resent you for disliking my work. But, I appreciate you for giving it a chance. Thank you.


In this podcast, I discuss:

Thinking vs. Being: Living in the mindjail vs. living in reality

  • Thinking tends to be concerned with time. It does not necessarily reflect reality.
  • Being processes things on a moment-by-moment basis. It takes in reality as-is, both internal and external.

Polarity: The importance of honesty on the lightworker path (path of service and love)

  • Radical honesty is used for selfish purposes: your own relief. To be the best lightworker you can be, you must embrace this selfishness. How can you help others when you’re a ticking emotional bomb?

What should you do [with your life]? Answer: You always know what to do. The tricky part is accepting what to do and actually doing it.

Why it is important to express anger: things don’t go away just because we numb ourselves to them or ignore them. We have a subconscious mind, and things that bother us will take a heavy, big-butted seat in that subconscious and bear down on us. What we withhold destroys us from within. Don’t bottle things up—get it out!

  • Remember: being occurs on a moment-by-moment basis. You can’t know what you’ll feel five minutes from now—you can only know right now. Being tends to fixate on things it needs to express, so if you withhold something you’ll be unable to get your attention off it until you express it. Only once you do that can you know what needs to be done next. Finally, you can stop losing energy to old baggage and instead invest it in the present.
  • If we believe we must withhold anger because it is a horrible and socially-unacceptable monster, we are, in fact, making a big deal out of it—a much bigger deal than if we simply expressed it. If it’s not such a big deal, why can’t you just let it out?
  • You can’t always get out of mindjail by yourself.

Levels of Consciousness: at the lower levels you are trapped in the mindjail; once you reach the higher levels you finally begin to be.

  • Some of the behaviors and beliefs we pick up at lower levels of consciousness stay with us even once we advance. For example, someone at a higher level of consciousness may still be a cigarette smoker. At some point they will have to drop this behavior if they want to advance further.
  • Likewise, we don’t stop experiencing anger at higher levels of consciousness. Remember: old baggage stays in the subconscious until we consciously process it fully.

How to express anger constructively: “I resent you for…” (something specific the other person did)

  • You cannot insult the other person.
  • You cannot express anger for something they didn’t do.
  • You must do this in person, except in dire circumstances.
  • Avoid physical destruction or harm of any form.
  • Avoid the word “hatred” (perhaps unless that’s what you really feel).
  • You cannot complain. Complaining and expressing anger are not the same thing. Complaining is useless and gets you nowhere: in fact, it makes things worse. Complaining is dishonest because it disperses the responsibility you have for the situation. Expressing anger honestly, on the other hand, is constructive and healthy.
  • Your anger for a particular person is reserved for that person. Don’t tell other people about it. That is passive-aggressive, cutthroat gossip. Confront the person directly or don’t confront the situation at all.
  • Always use an I-message. Being statements with, “I feel,” “I think,” etc.—don’t jump right into “You did this” and “You did that.”
  • You cannot be vague. This goes along with insulting. You cannot say, “I resent you for being stupid.” You can make a general statement at first if that’s all that comes up, but I can guarantee you that specific anger-provoking examples will come to mind shortly after, and you have to share those.
  • Don’t rush out of the conversation. If you’re anxious to leave you probably have more resentments to express. Stick around and express them—even if you have to sit in silence for a few minutes first.
  • The best approach to anger and to all feelings is to express them as they come up. This way it doesn’t build up and eat away at you or your relationships.
  • I get that the things you are angry about are petty, and that your anger is the result of your own faulty perceptions of reality—that you’re actually angry at yourself. I know you know that. But if you withhold anger, and you do not direct it at the person it is aimed at on the surface, it will own you. Trust me.

Snowball effect: The more you think, the more you cram yourself into the mindjail that is your inaccurate beliefs about reality. You’ll try harder and harder to analyze your problem, and in so doing get further stuck in it. Likewise, the more you allow yourself to be, the harder it becomes to ignore your feelings. The more you think, the more you think. The more you be, the more you be. Momentum is the lifeblood of humanity.

What it means to be in love: to simply be with another person. This person takes you out of your mindjail and into the full, beautiful experience of raw reality.

  • What this means in turn: if you want to experience and honestly express love, you must also honestly express anger. Yes, they can go hand in hand. It’s all honesty and being present.
  • To make space for new love, you must remove anger from that space first. The best way to remove it is to express it.

My story of moving from the mindjail to being: where the title “Living a Real Life” comes from

If you want to end suffering, you must suffer. If you want to feel good, first you have to let yourself (not make yourself) feel bad. You’ll soon find out, however, that when you stop criticizing and thinking about your feelings, they aren’t actually that bad—not even anger and sadness. When you just let them be what they are, they’re fine. In fact, they’re friendly.

A touch on objective and subjective reality: similarities to thinking and being. “Waking up” to subjective reality and realizing that your ego (body-mind; physical identity) isn’t all you are is very similar to moving past thinking into being. You identify with your ego, but also with the consciousness that observes and directs your ego. Likewise, you still think, but the mind becomes more of a fun plaything. The mind is a much better servant, it turns out, than master. You still can get lost in thought sometimes, but now thought occurs within a larger context of being. There is a background-reassurance that you are okay, and you always remember that you are conscious and that you can fully enter this state of being at any time.


Other Notes:

Speaking in the fashion of radical honesty seems a bit robotic at times, especially when looked at in plain text. But it doesn’t feel robotic at all—it’s quite the opposite, in fact. I feel much more liberated and expressive this way. It’s nice. I like nice.


I make many references to my book in this podcast, such as when I talk about levels of consciousness, polarity, and objective and subjective reality. I don’t discuss these concepts in full, but just enough for you to understand them in the context of the podcast. If you want to learn more about them, well, I think you can figure out where to go. ;)

This is the cleanest podcast I’ve done. Perhaps I’ll prove myself wrong in the editing process, but I think I used barely any verbal fillers such as “um” or “ah,” and there aren’t too many times where I stumble on my words and succumb to the silence of uncertainty. I think the main thing I could improve is volume: it could certainly be louder. If you try to listen to this without headphones (especially on a computer) you’ll probably need to turn the volume all the way up, unless you have a powerful set of speakers. Perhaps I just need to sit a little closer to the laptop when I talk.

You can listen to the podcast by clicking on the video below or by going right to YouTube at this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIusF4syrCM