Subjective Craziness

There are so many different ways I could do things. I feel like I’m being pulled by the dream. I know objectively that sounds unwise, because aren’t you supposed to control your reality? Aren’t you supposed to want to have control? Well, yes.

But, from my box, I must ask: how can you, as some flailing object, gain control over a whole mass of other flailing objects? You’re all silly. Why do you want control over silliness anyway?

When you see that mass of unpredictability in the context of a dream or of consciousness, however… then that’s a whole different ballgame. Yes, it certainly does feel the larger entity that is “the dream” is overwhelmingly in control of you. But it’s not bad.

The dream takes you right where you need to go. In fact, without the dream you probably wouldn’t do a lot of what needs to be done. Rather, you would spend much of your time in resistance of the small fragment of the dream you get access to, which many refer to as the whispers of an “inner voice.”

Normally, out of habit, I write the date at the top of anything in Microsoft Word. I almost went to do that just now, but it feels inappropriate. There’s no time in a dream.

And if there is, it’s massively skewed. It’s not at all what we know it to be in objective reality. So why bother? This might take me “5 minutes” to write or it might take “3 days.” What’s the difference? From this perspective, I don’t really know.

Resisting (and Accepting) the Dream

When I try to look at this perspective objectively, it seems insane. You drove all the way here and you have no idea why? On your way to school you just decided to go somewhere else entirely first? Just because you felt like you had to be there? And you didn’t even have to go to school in the first place (funny, I never feel inspired to go to school… hehe)?!

Sometimes when I spontaneously end up in a place, I try to make up some logical-sounding story for why I’m there. It’s “supposed” to be the story I’ll tell other people if they ask what I’m doing, but I know that, really, it’s just a means of comforting myself.

It’s quite rare that I actually have to articulate that story anyway, so I know I make it up just in an attempt to “get a grip” on myself. Objectively speaking, I suspect that almost all people do this- no matter what lens they live through.

When you immerse yourself in your subjective experience of reality, it is simply amazing. It is beyond words, but, well, I’m using words right now, so too bad. There’s a powerful push of feelings on you in all directions, it seems. I’m trying to recall the experience from several hours ago, but that may be futile since time is irrelevant. Perhaps it would be wiser to simply step into the experience now.

One example comes to mind: singing from a subjective perspective. Typically you would think that when you intend to sing a certain song, you simply are singing the words from memory. The words were created by someone else. The words of that song are pre-set, and it is now your job to access that entity as it exists somewhere as an object in this reality.

In a dream world, however, there’s no “recalling” business to be done. The words arise within me naturally. They’re just consciousness expressing itself. No one “created” these words- they’re just here, right now. That’s all.

Consciousness may express itself in the same way again sometime. But there’s no need to worry about that, because there’s no “sometime” to be all worked up about in a dream. There’s just now.

Oopsie! :)

Looking at this about 4 “days” later (today is day 12; I wrote this on day 8) it seems that whether I work on certain pieces of writing straight-through does matter. I’m not sure that I can pick up on the same state on consciousness I was in when I wrote most of this. No specific state can be recreated down to the cross on the t. Perhaps I will start a new creation elsewhere.

For now I’ll leave you with Shakira, whose words so aptly accompanied my writing at the time.


I’m on tonight

You know my hips don’t lie and I’m startin’ to feel it’s right

All the attraction

The tension

Don’t you see baby, this is perfection?

-“Hips Don’t Lie,” Shakira