I have long been wondering what is the full breadth of what I should share. I have notebooks, unpublished articles, deleted articles, heavily edited articles, a retracted book (plus all of my other books have had various edits made over time), personal letters, music I've written, and various data from my life such as food logs, weight logs, race results, and various health measures. I could write race reports, tell both the objective (surface-level) and subjective (spiritual) story of the last 2.5 years (i.e. the time I have largely been absent from writing here), discuss how my diet has evolved, share noteworthy conversations I've had with others, show my thought process regarding questions I've yet to answer to satisfaction, and much more along similar lines. I could even try to provide commentary and predictions on world issues (e.g. as of now it is difficult to imagine anyone successfully running against the American president in 2020) but that kind of subject matter could detract from the point more easily than anything else-- especially if it is discussed separately from spirit.
The question is not only how transparent do I need to be but how complete in that transparency? In the previous article I said that justice is about deliverance of the truth, and I feel it is only fair that I share as much as possible about my life and do so in as meaningful a way as possible. This way it is clear who and what I am, how I live, why I live the way I do, the choices I have made, the path I have taken, what I seek to become, what I am becoming, what I believe in, and how well I live up to that.
I do not think the world is going to improve much without transparency. Imagine if governments and corporations had to be totally transparent about everything they do and why. Initially it would create chaos because the occurrence of a lot of cheating, stealing, destruction, and past dishonesty would become apparent. Even if people could get past the need to "settle scores" there would still be a question of how things should change now. For me one of the most important questions is, In light of such transparency, who would change their ways only because they can no longer get away with cutthroat competition and parasitism? What should happen to most people once they are discovered? Would mere behavioral change on their part be good enough, or do they have no place in a free, conscious, and healthy society?
For the most part governments and corporations are probably not going to become that transparent. Alas, that almost does not matter. I will go first. I am not necessarily the first. People write books or engage in interviews where they "tell all" about certain situations. People write memoirs where they tell the story of their lives. I also have several examples of people I know personally to follow. What is most unique about what I intend to do is a few things: 1. I want to try covering the totality of my life and thought 2. My thought is highly spiritually-oriented and I intend for this to be the primary focus of what I share 3. I intend for my thought to be comprehensive, and 4. I think I will turn out to have relatively unique if not even previously-unseen ideas and viewpoints on things; but, since most people probably think that about themselves and I don't want to seem presumptuous I will not emphasize that point. How are you today? Look at me, I have shown fear and fallen out of integrity. I actually just had some kind of lapse of consciousness while writing that where I almost passed out, which is extremely unusual for me (I've never passed out. Is "jinxing yourself" just a superstition?). I'm going to keep this in because it will help to illustrate the point I make in the next section, which is about the importance of being in integrity.
The Heart is Protected
I am kind of concerned about people taking advantage of me in various ways. However, there is something very important I have to share on this matter. I believe that if I keep quiet I am actually more likely to be exploited. In fact, I think that is true for the masses of society at present, and I believe it is generally true. I have a sense that transparency will provide me with a kind of protection-- that, in this case, vulnerability is power. The current status quo is decay in all aspects of life, including society as a whole. If people keep trying to live "normally," the status quo mandates that they will decay until they are destroyed; and, they will probably be destroyed both willfully by humans and by natural law as it relates to the way they live.
Heart is about being in integrity. When you have heart people's interest in exploiting you gets reduced. Plus, I would like to believe that people have a nearly-inherent respect for those who are truly at the Edge, trying their best, and in integrity with what they are meant to be. That is one reason why people sometimes seem more sympathetic towards animals than towards other people: animals demonstrate a higher level of integrity than humans and typically live much closer to their true potential. You could argue that it is harder for humans to achieve our potential since in many cases it is both so broad and so high; yet, at the same time, animals do far less than humans do to sabotage their ability to achieve their potential. This respect for those in integrity is also a reason for the advice to not show fear. A scared human is not in integrity because fear is the opposite of what we are meant to be. These days it is abnormal to not show some kind of fear at least sometimes: I often feel obligated to show fear just because it is expected. So, our situation is that it is common to both show and feel fear: this means that humans are not in integrity. Humans who are not in integrity both feel more inclined to exploit other humans and are also more likely to be exploited by others since they are not protected by the full scope of their abilities nor do they have the respect of others for being at their potential.
Overall, humanity is a fear-based mess right now and it largely though not entirely has been stuck like this for a long time. I intend to do my part of changing that mess and ultimately ending the game by sharing the most complete and coherent thought that I can regarding my life and life in general. I am a bit concerned about putting a lot of pressure on myself (fueled by others bearing witness) and then either failing to deliver or, worse, distorting the intention of what exactly is to be done here and how. But, I don't want to be afraid since I believe that is unnatural to what I was meant to be. Again, I have said that there seems to be little to say about peace and perfection, and I also said that I feel socially obligated to show and even carry fear. This gives rise to a concern that even petty fear of some kind is unavoidable to some extent. That sounds dumb though it genuinely has been a problem so far. Also, I am starting to wonder if I am just too embarrassed to try speaking of peace and perfection. I do still have a point, which is that fear tends to give rise to more words than does peace-- and words of less value, at that.
Where do I start? It seems like I am constantly asking that, especially with the entirety of this writing project so far. Up to this point I have trusted that the writing I need to do at a given time will come through me at the time that I decide to write it. I have thought very hard about how I should structure this transparency project and it might turn out that it indeed should have structure. However, structure apparently has had little to do with my getting started.