The Question
I am trying to answer the question, What am I? This is found through contemplating, deciding, and experiencing what I am in relationship to all other things. What am I is a question not merely of apparent or abstract identity but also of energy and of consciousness. The question more likely to be expected is, Who am I. I find that asking Who one is tends to yield more pettiness and feebleness than does the asking of What one is. However, I am now catching a glimpse that the Who question, if held in the right manner, actually holds the potential for finer results than the What question. Rather than peruse the manner now, we shall see in time.
There are important aspects of the question. One such aspect is the way one does things. Every apparently tiny decision is an announcement of what one is, because every action and every feeling have energetic effects which are realized in the physical world in some form.
I have decided that this question is the fundamental question of life. What one is determines everything that being does and experiences, and also is at the effect of what that being does and experiences. There is no escape from what one is.
At the same time that one is being, one also is always becoming. The purest desire in life is for all things to simply be as they are (including oneself). Then, there is the desire to become. Both desires are valid.
I am seeking purity and completeness of being. I am curious as to what the implications will turn out to be. Will this lead to actively doing away with adversaries of some kind? Will this lead to passively allowing adversarial activity to carry on? Or, will a new level be found such that the self-realization of all beings will coincide with the highest collective good and this will turn out to be a sufficient outcome regarding both the ascension of mankind as well as my own ultimate self-realization? I am hoping for this last possibility. But, it may turn out that, in alignment with the ideal of completeness, all three possibilities will be involved somehow.
I have been mostly absent from the Internet the last two years in an attempt to quietly sort out my worldview. Rather than lay out this worldview now, here I want to be somewhat more personable and discuss my intentions.
Since I began kimwrate.com in November 2014 I have believed in transparency. What dishonors life more than that which must be hidden? Society operates on the necessity of obscuring things from other people. What a sorry way to live. How can we form an accurate idea of what we are if we are distorting and hiding information from each other? I thus set out to share my thoughts honestly for all to see. However, in this process I ran into another problem: What is more painful than expressing a truth which you know is not the highest? I found it difficult to be transparent when thoughts are so numerous and there are so many factors playing into any given situation. I found it difficult not to get bogged down in pettiness and the less-than-complete truth. But how can the complete truth be portrayed when there are so many factors to life and when life is continually progressing? I have sought for this in purity of being. The problem is that I am not always sure of what constitutes such purity. For instance, I have wondered whether there is some kind of need for pain, for clinging, for imperfection, at least at times: if so, I would think that accepting this pain is a part of pure being.
I want to try my best to share, so that the process of what I am and am becoming can be archived in an organized manner, and thus a complete worldview forged and made real. The ultimate activity of life is to make real that which lives in consciousness.
Now that I have been through the pain and the conflicts I no longer need to save my reputation, though I will cling to it. I can't imagine what kind of reputation I must have anyway. Maybe it is not real... Either way, let us not lose the point. It is essential to purity to stay on point. Otherwise life is degraded.
Of course I do not want to deal with difficult people. But I will have to. I already do. Let us elevate this problem from pettiness to something of substance. What is the problem with mankind, anyway? The problem is the destruction of nature based on a materialistic worldview. Killing life, replacing the natural with something manufactured, and rationalizing it all because they fear for their lives. They destroy the beautiful, the orderly, the noble, all for the sake of a selfish, fallen paranoia. The most contemptible thing in reality is Human filth. Human filth is a fraud of the original perfection of life. Human filth regards the technologically-facilitated comfort created through destroying nature as something to be desired. Human filth mistakes meekness for love and domination for strength, even if this domination is the result of technology or wanton destruction and provides no value otherwise.
In my thought and in this world there is conflict. One of the most prominent conflicts is that between technology and nature. More important is the conflict between the materialistic worldview and the worldview concerned with self-realization.
Technology enables the automation of tasks, which can help humans to save time. However, the use of technology provides nothing to a human's self-realization. Using technology to lift an object cannot replace the human's ability to lift that object himself and thus include this accomplishment in the track record of his life and therefore be a part of the data which speaks to what he is.
I am subject to these paramount conflicts. I know which side I want to win and I also know that there exists an everlasting, fundamental peace which is available at all times. As such I do not wish to escape. There is no place to be other than the conflict, and if I die prematurely I will not have escaped the conflict because it will have gone unresolved: thus there would be no peace in such a death.
What I intend to do is to share my spiritual journey. By “spiritual” I refer to my worldview and the process of self-realization (i.e. what I am becoming). It is not going to be easy because life consists of so much data, and I want to make sure that in the end what is important is highly organized and accessible.
Imagine how valuable it would be if a person of some kind of prominence not only kept but shared some kind of archive as this. What if you could know how they made their decisions, formed their ideas, and what they experienced on the path to their accomplishments? I am hoping to achieve this , though with the added level of codifying both a complete worldview and the process of self-realization. This is important to me because these are the most important things in life as they both set the stage for everything that happens and also are the goals of everything that happens.
It has taken me a long time to get to this point. I have been actively forging this endeavor for the last year. It has taken that long because there have been so many factors to consider and things to think about. Above all, I want to make sure I become what I have set out to become and am not sidetracked in any way. I do want to see a desirable outcome for planet Earth and whatever is the best that can become of human life. I think the best way to go about this is to stay true to life as a whole-- life at its essence.
Lest my words be empty...
Indeed, strong is the desire for perfection. I do not wish to deviate consciousness from what matters nor to say things which mean nothing. So, I have desired to wait until I am at a level where I can handle the task of publicly accounting for my journey with relative competence. I can only hope now I am doing a good enough job, and also not be crushed by such anxious hoping.
If nothing else I can hope that purity of being will elevate the level of human thought and discourse and heal problems by bringing them to a unique worldview which desires completion.
I will see you there.
-Kimberly Wrate
12 July 2019