The following is an e-mail message I sent to Brian Harner on December 7 2020 at 4:58PM. It is the 119th message in our conversation.
Here is some additional information on why I have held a rather emotional posture towards you.
In our last phone conversation prior to the New York City trip (which I posted to BitChute), I asked you about true love. I have not revisited the exact words said, but I recall the basics. I wondered whether finding true love with a woman would help you become more effective at getting through to people. You insisted that there are no women on Earth capable of filling that role. You did address the possibilities regarding your ex-wife, and I figured that if she would both understand everything and take you back then that could help matters. However, I found this unlikely to happen. I thought I would give her a chance, but after I received that letter back in the mail and she ignored your text, I figured I was kidding myself. Furthermore, when you insisted that there is no ideal woman for you on Earth, I internally reacted the way that you might do to such challenges. I thought, "Oh yeah, we'll see about that!"
My hopes to succeed at this challenge seem to have backfired via my own emotions and the effects of those emotions. I very likely made the matter too personal. It had the potential to be a great story, you know? I'll put it to you this way. -- A woman who is attracted to women her whole life but is not sure it's the right thing to pursue. She remains single and a virgin, while trying to figure out the purpose of life, the intended pattern of life, and what is needed to heal the Earth: along the way she shares her thoughts (kimwrate.com). She had told herself that if she ever met a man who was more dedicated to, accomplished in, and capable of the right path than her, then she would yield to him. She was not sure that she ever would meet such a man, but she was not closed to the possibility. Then in the crazy year of 2020 she meets the Christ of the New Age. Finally, she found a man of pure intent! Not only that, but he had sought out and synthesized a complete picture of life. Through their conversations, she realizes she could love a man after all: she just had never met one who was divine.
The rather intense circumstances under which I met you (i.e. Judas) also play into the "great story." You know, like how I stuck my neck out for you and in so doing brought us into a unique timeline. The idea I had is that you and I could set an example for true love between a man and a woman. Everyone yearns for it and no one achieves it in Hell. The posts on 4chan make that fact blatant all the time. I knew that reproduction would be almost-certain not to happen for various reasons, such as the genetic distance between us and your genetic diseases. Likewise, any kind of home life would not be likely, either. But we still achieved love through serving humanity's maker together, and I thought that people might recognize this love by hearing and reading our words.
This is the part where I'm supposed to analyze what I've done wrong and what the lesson is. It may have to do with me hoping to be relatively equal to you, when in fact I am just meant to be your student/athlete. That would mean one lesson from this is to know your proper place in the universe, and do not take it personally. If I was more accepting of "just" being a student then I might have made fewer errors, like saying that God "stands" outside of the universe. That way I would have had more meekness underlying my ambitions.
I've told you that I have felt badly for you having to deal with me. What I mean by that is feeling guilt for giving you stress and burdens, and feeling like a disappointment for failing to properly advance the message of the hierarchy. I think if I had accepted just being a student, I would have not have felt so anxious. As I said, trying to quickly become equal in ability to someone who is far ahead of you leads to anxiety. Likewise, true love would not necessarily be excluded: it would just be kept in its proper form for this particular relationship.
A high school athlete trying to be friends with their adult coach may be an accurate comparison. They both work for the same team, but they have very different ability levels, life experiences, and personal problems/situations to deal with. If I tried to be friends with an adult when I was a teenager, I probably would have felt badly that there is only so much I can understand firsthand about their life experiences. As such, a coaching/teaching relationship is more appropriate.
It has hurt me to think that you are so isolated and misunderstood-- you know? I wanted to end that for you. Maybe I relieved that problem to a small extent. But I probably tried too hard to control that situation and make it look a certain way. Would people recognize the true love unless we were married, for instance? So far they have not.
This is one of the larger topics I have wanted to get off my chest. Perhaps from here on out our relationship will be more pure and effective. I know your current trajectory may not change much as a result of this "confession," but I am interested to hear what you think of what I have said here.