This is the 34th e-mail message I received from Brian Harner, and the 72nd in our conversation. It was sent on October 2 2020 at 4:04AM.
The interesting part about the necklace I got Kassidi was that she exchanged it for another almost immediately. That may be what she exchanged it for, but maybe not. I don't really remember what she got instead. Not a big deal. She's not going to help, so you're probably wasting your time with her. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just letting you know what I know of her degenerate personality. Although again, maybe she has changed. I'm not stressing it, and you shouldn't stress about it either, is all I'm saying.
There's no need to send me any more money. Like I said, I still have what you and the young man from North Carolina sent me weeks ago. If something significant doesn't happen by then to change the entire dynamic of this present situation, I'm just going to send you guys that have given me money, all of your money back. It'd just be a waste of time essentially. Maybe I didn't describe what the scenario is to the full extent. The dream sequences have all been identical in frame. I get placed into a scenario where it seems to be no fault of mine, but I still have to carry the brunt of failures that coincide with the reason behind why I am in the scenario to begin with. When it comes to the video stuff, that is a prime example. Kassidi is another example. I met her because of Robert's libido.
The only reason I went to that disgusting place originally was because of what happened in Trinidad. I mean, the guy would not stop about picking up women. I tried to make jokes about it when we were in route, and tried to offer a trip to the local bar there. It was actually extremely frustrating for me because I was trying to accomplish something entirely different in the moment, and had to hold it internally as a secret just to calm his ass down. That bled into the Weldon Warren trip that we were originally in Lubbock for in the first place. In the midst of trying to stop that feeling I had about Robert in Trinidad, we went to a strip club. The conclusion of the trip was that Robert got way too drunk at the strip club and missed the Weldon meeting entirely. Funny... that meeting was why I got my first haircut as a Christ.
Anyways, the point being, it seems that no matter what I TRY to do to help the people around me get through their own mission parameters, the urgency and dedication to purpose is lost. I see this shit happening in the moment, but I still keep trying. Maybe THAT... is the problem. I don't seem to have that problem with you, at least not yet, which makes me feel like I need to take a different approach. Maybe that's wrong, but I'm just really worn out watching people fuck up. I'm hoping that you will not suffer the same fate. I mean, I don't even know if Nathan taking on the video production and editing alone is an actual "fuck up," but I know that is not what the prophecy shows his path to be, nor his wife. The prophecy stuff may sound like bullshit in and of itself, but if people just see what is happening in reality outside of the prophecy ideal alone, the situation is as real as real can get. I don't know if it's me that hasn't explained that side of things properly, or if the method of explaining them is not sufficient for action on their part, all I know is that my goals are not being met by the overwhelming majority of every single human on my mission. And it seems like it's time for a drastic change. I don't want you to fall into the same situation, especially if it's in some way my fault.
Another portion of this whole thing is that I don't want to stress anyone to the point of them fucking up. Nathan's goals of getting the video stuff done all at the last minute will make it sloppy and unprofessional. What I really WANTED was for him to take the last TWO MONTHS and make an amazingly edited masterpiece that people would use as a guide on how to make these grails for 1000 years. That just did not happen, and now that I've explained my frustration to him in this way, I'll probably get the rushed and sloppy version. It's as if he thinks he has to rush to make me happy, when that really has nothing to do with why I'm displeased.
I see the same kind of thing happening with you to a much smaller extent. I know you'll give me money if I asked for it... that's not really the point, though. I don't want YOU to have to fund everything, especially if you're working with the money you work for. What I actually want is for EVERYONE to be involved. I want EVERYONE to donate... but not TO me, FOR me. I want to make a grail manufacturing facility. Accepting all of your hard earned money will not make that happen any sooner. To me, it would be creepy and scammy to keep taking money from you and everyone else... ESPECIALLY if the manufacturing facility is still just a pipe dream during the exchange of funds. What is the purpose for even giving me money, if not to get this situation brought to fruition in a more timely manner? Just so I can stay alive and sit around waiting to die? I'm not okay taking ANYONE's money for that reason, no matter how generous the offer. 70k would help build the manufacturing facility, yes... but would it relive the souls who are responsible for wasting that opportunity on their of the internal structure that made them fuck it all up in the first place? I'm leaning towards probably not. In some cases, DEFINITELY not. And THAT... is the essence of my mission. I don't want people to kiss my ass. I want people to treat the Earth as an aspect of themselves, and fucking act accordingly. That's what will bring Salvation. THAT... is what I want...
As it seems, and my dreams seem to be agreeing with the synopsis, for whatever reason, what I'm trying to do is just not hitting the mark I'm trying to hit. I've tried being nice, forceful, partying with people, drinking alcohol, smoking weed, going to disgusting strip clubs, doing ALL of the intricate work associated within an individual's mission, I've tried to reason with people, I've tried to be emotional, I've tried to be factual, and truth be told, I have stretched the truth a time or two. ALL OF THAT was to help the people I come in contact with to gain Salvation/transcendence/enlightenment. However, no matter what I do, it's not fucking working, and I'm at the end of my rope. Maybe leaving everyone alone is what will give the motivation necessary. I don't know. All I do know is that that seems to be the only fucking thing I haven't tried yet. From my perspective, ANYTHING is worth a shot, especially considering what my real goals are.
Shane is another disappointment. I do not blame him in any way for what he has had to deal with. It's a horrible situation he has been thrust into, and it appears to be completely out of his control. Again, just for posterity, I would not have taken the route he did. It's as if he was being put through a sort of test during this terrible shit he's dealing with. Does he really, truly, of his own accord, think I am the actual Christ? Given his upbringing in Christian dogma, I highly doubt it. That shouldn't matter, and to me personally, I am not taking it in any insulting way. BUT... is my maker? I do not know. I don't even like to think about that kind of shit because Shane is a very close friend, and I highly respect him as a man. To my maker... maybe that's not good enough. I sure hope that isn't the case, but there's no way for me to be certain while in a human body. I would be devastated if I am responsible for Shane being punished in some way because of my high standards, OR... his lack of seeing the real me for what I am. It's difficult for me to not take this personally, and bear the brunt of these entanglements. I mean, Shane would have done very well during judgement without my intrusion into his life. I have to logically ask myself, did I fuck that up for him?
As it appears, the grail is not going to get done this week, and probably not next week either. I don't blame Shane for why. ANYONE alive right now would have done what he did for his farm, his father, his family, and his life. Ican't stand even being disappointed in him as a man... but truth be told... I am, and I fucking hate myself for it. I just don't really know what to do to make this all better on everyone I come in contact with. Humanity did not seem ready for me at all. Maybe humanity was never SUPPOSED to be ready for me, maybe that's the whole point. It's confusing to me and is making me second guess damn near everything I do. Some of you I've grown quite fond of. Shane, you, Nathan, Emily... I can't stop praying and asking myself if I'm hurting you guys. All I know is that I'm ready to just let you all choose your own path, devoid of my intrusions into it any longer. Me leaving in this way is my last ditch effort to help all of you, no matter how that may appear to the individual involved.
I'm really sorry. I just don't know what else to do. When it comes to this race coordinator you speak of, will he hate me for everything I say about purity? Will he have the wherewithal to understand that that isn't even coming from me? To be honest with you, I'm not willing to put him in a position where he has the ability to throw his soul away in the process. It's been roughly a year and a half of watching dozens of people do that very thing just by being egotistical and selfish. I'm just not willing to keep putting people into this dilemma and watch them all fail themselves. You've done a great job, Kim. You've done even more than I could have ever hoped for. It seems every single day you are working on this mission. All I can say is that I'm sorry that you've gone through all of this trouble for this kind of a summation. It's not your fault that I'm doing what I'm doing at all. Never think that. If everyone put in the kind of effort you have, I probably would have never even met you. I don't know what else to say. This is a fucked up situation, and all I want to say is I'm sorry, and thank you for everything. I'm not giving up, but it seems a miracle is necessary. Not just for me, but for all of you as well. There's still time. Pray. That the only good advice I have to give, because that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Talk to you soon,