The following is the 39th message I sent to Brian Harner and the 73rd message in our conversation. This was sent on October 2 2020 at 9:43AM.
"I get placed
into a scenario where it seems to be no fault of mine, but I still
have to carry the brunt of failures that coincide with the reason
behind why I am in the scenario to begin with."
That is
better than I would have said that.
"When it comes to the
video stuff, that is a prime example. Kassidi is another example. I
met her because of Robert's libido."
Is this video stuff
cursed? Does the hierarchy not want the public to see you on camera?
Even I have not seen an image of you yet.
I understand what
you are saying about money. For your receiving of money to be
worthwhile, it has to be enough to accomplish big things like
building a grail manufacturing facility or the third temple. You
would not want me to fund that all myself even if I could, because we
need everyone to care and actually invest in the continued existence
and ultimate transcendence of this species and planet.
You
have to hold us to high standards. It seems like you are getting
concerned about people's individual salvation because that is all
they have left due to humanity's collective failure. This concern has
reached the point where you would rather not have people deal with
you directly, since a failure to help you help them is a major
failure, indeed. But you know how massive the redemption arc is. How
could we possibly achieve that if we were not held to the highest
standards? I know, you told me that if you held everyone else to the
same standards you hold yourself, not one single human would pass
judgment.
I have been able to see through the veil of
appearances just enough that I could tell some of your behaviors,
such as drinking alcohol, are often an attempt to connect with
people. Of course, you also stated that explicitly yourself. From
Chapter 2: "To be honest, I can't even remember what meat tasted
like before the onslaught of bitter animal souls has passed over my
taste buds during this pilgrimage. I can literally taste the pain and
suffering those poor animals go through in life, BUT, I must maintain
appearances to those who don't have this ability, so usually I just
grin and bear it."
The way anyone acts, including you,
sends a message to others which says that their behavior is
acceptable. What if degrading your own conduct gives people the idea
that the way they are is good enough? And when you lower the
standards to which you hold people, they might form a delusional idea
of what, indeed, is good enough. Plus, lowering your standards of
others is basically an admission that you think they can't succeed,
at least not yet.
What if you had never written me that e-mail
about ego death? That is the most critical you have been towards me
so far, and it was the result of me not posting the e-mails of the
last 1.5 weeks. The quotes I put on my T-shirt at the race two weeks
ago were from that e-mail, and I thought about them during the race.
I told you that remembering, "Women tend to double down on
emotional plight when that is precisely what caused the problems they
have in the first place" (paraphrase), kept me from becoming
emotional at the end of the race. Even so, I know you are making the
point that you have tried all kinds of approaches with all kinds of
people, and in the end you do not fully get through to them in most
cases.
When you help
others to achieve what they want, and what they want is degenerate,
their level of conduct is made plain for all to see. So that is one
thing your approach has achieved.
Now you are considering
that the only thing you have not tried yet is leaving us alone to
work out our own fate both individually and collectively, with the
help of what you have provided to us up to this point.
If we
are talking about the highest standards possible, trying to spare
certain individuals such as the people you have befriended might
involve too much ego. Those people, including me, are not special,
even though we have cared more than most so far. Furthermore, if we
cannot pass judgment due to having had you in our lives, there is no
way this species can be expected to make it.
There is a
possibility that you were meant to be relatively soft on us while the
true high standards hang overhead. But maybe from here on out, it is
time to let go of trying to "make this all better on everyone I
come in contact with"? You definitely have not hurt me by being
involved on my path, by the way. I know I will be held to much higher
standards than I would be if I had not met you. The dream of purity
is indeed what I want to come true, and there is no way to get there
without high standards. I don't want you to be concerned about my
personal fate.
What can still
be done? I continue with the ideal of transparency. There is still a
lot to be shared. One question is, Would there be worth in you,
Brian, engaging in transparency more than you already do? Should you
go on YouTube/bitchute and make daily vlogs or something like that?
Show us the full extent of your real thoughts? Maybe even take a
photo of your hidradenitis suppurativa pustules? If you made a video
where you just talk about your current situation, you could show us
the room you are staying in and how you got there; explain what the
holy grail blank is and why it is still just a blank; maybe go
outside and talk about the environment; and who knows what else. Give
humanity a chance to look into your eyes and see The Hierarchy
staring back at them. (By the way, if we actually meet I could and
would help to produce pictures and videos, though they will not be
professional.) Should you do that or, barring some miracle, is it
better to just go?