You are always doing either one of two things: growing, or
When you are growing it means you are uplifting your energy. You are allowing it to flow through you and to expand itself out into the world. Even if it is uncomfortable, this feels very good.
When you are defending, it is in either one of two ways: you are trying to protect and maintain the energy you currently have, or you are trying to extract energy from a source outside of yourself.
In either case, you assume that what appears to be outside of yourself is an object separate from you. You’re under the impression that this object either is trying to take energy from you, or that it has something you do not- energy- and you want to take its energy.
In either case, other people always perceive your defense to be an attack. Similarly, you never intend for your defense to be an attack—you are simply defending yourself. But most people most of the time do not see this. Instead, they perceive they you are on the offense, and are attacking.
For example, in the first few minutes I spent writing this article, several people were smoking cigarettes near me. I went into defense mode because I perceived that I was being attacked—that my energy was being threatened by the presence of poisonous smoke.
Of course, the reality is that a cigarette smoker never lights up with the intent of hurting the people around them, even if I am quite convinced that this is the case. We all know that they aren’t smoking to grow and to raise their energy from the inside-out. Instead, they are either trying to protect the energy they currently have or are trying to extract more from an object that is separate from them. In this case, the object is the cigarette. So the cigarette-smoker is defending themselves. Meanwhile, I perceive their self-defense as an attack on me—that is, until I remember the reality of the situation.
On the flipside, the cigarette smokers might perceive my self-defense as an attack on them. When they see me make disgusted facial expressions, cough, and walk away from them, they might think that I am trying to insult or belittle them somehow. Of course, the reality is that I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad. I just want them to stop smoking their frackin’ cigarettes around me so I can breathe.
In other words, I just want to keep my energy high—just like they do. Yet, our defense-based attempts to do so send mixed messages (we think we are attacking each other), and in the end we both lose energy for it.
The Futility of Defense
The reality is that no one hates anyone. When it appears that someone hates you, in actuality they are trying to defend themselves while around you. They are trying to protect their energy. They perceive that you are trying to take it from them, and so they go into defense-mode when you are around them.
Of course, you don’t mean to attack them, and they don’t mean to attack you. In this case, the two different defense-modes are at odds with one another: you’re trying to take energy from an outside source (the other person), thereby increasing your own, while the other person is trying to protect his energy and prevent an outside source (you) from taking it.
You both perceive yourselves to be defending. Simultaneously, you both perceive each other to be attacking.
Yet, no one attacks. All we are ever doing is either growing and increasing our energy together, or defending. Because this defense is simultaneously seen as both defense and attack, we experience being in an energy-battle with one another, whereby one side attempts to take and the other side attempts to fend off the taker.
The reality, again, is that both sides are defending, and neither is attacking. It must be understood that the taker of energy never intends to drain other people’s energy. Most people would never consciously drain another person’s energy.
As for the few people who would (we can call them darkworkers), they do so only for their own gain. No one hurts others “just for the hell of it”. All of the actions we take are ultimately meant to be self-serving. Everything we do, we do for ourselves. No one drains the energy of another solely to drain that person’s energy. Rather, they do it in order to build up their own energy.
Usually when people try to take the energy of another, they do so unconsciously. They do not realize what they are doing. They are trying to feel good. Perhaps they have felt good in the presence of a specific person before, and now they want to experience more of that. So they become fixated on this specific person, obsessing about them and chasing or clinging to them so that they can get a hit of that sweet, sweet energy. Unfortunately, this approach backfires. This is how love turns to hate.
Love is characterized by a sharing of energy between two people. Love turns to hate when one of these two people stops sharing energy and instead tries to take energy from the other person. They try to control the other person so that they can guarantee that they will get this person’s energy. Hate comes in when the other person begins to defend herself from this attempt to take energy.
And then they both wonder what the hell happened—what went wrong, whose fault it is, why things have to be this way.
Why do we ever try to take energy from each other (or other outside sources)? We do so when we feel insecure. We do so when we forget that this is a world of energy, and instead mistake it for a world of objects.
The world of objects appears random and indifferent for us—perhaps even hostile. Then, when we do have the experience of another person freely giving energy to us, we feel better, but we’re still unaware enough that we view that person as an object (just like everything else). This person-object is a bright light in an otherwise dim world. So we want more of that person. We think that person is the source of light. Because we have mistaken the world for one of objects, we forget that the light is everywhere. So we fixate on one single object- on one person- and become addicted, trying to extract all of the energy from them that we can.
Of course, this is how we “kill the golden goose.”
Ultimately, we cannot damage each other. We can merely perceive that we have been hurt by another person. The real golden goose is all that is, so it is impossible to kill the golden goose. However, we can experience that we have killed the golden goose. When we fixate on another person, our connection with all that is weakens. Because the person we have fixated on is a part of all that is, our connection with that person weakens as well. With all of these connections weakened, the energy flowing through our life decreases, and life feels to be at a standstill. So, the golden goose doesn’t die, but we make it want to stop laying eggs and run away from us.
And, again, then we wonder what the hell happened.
At this point, many of us continue to persist in our fixation. We think that if this person would just come back into our lives and love us “like they used to”, all of our problems would be solved. We could finally stop suffering. We would be healed. We would get on with our lives.
As we all know, however, you cannot solve problems with the same type of thinking that created them. So, continuing to fixate on the person and need them to provide you with energy will not do anything except throw you further down the rabbit hole of low-energy and addiction.
Beyond the Power Struggle
When you decide that you’re ready to move past this futile cycle, the first thing you have to do is not beat yourself up. You know you didn’t mean to hurt or irritate anyone. You just weren’t aware of what you were doing. Most of us are unaware of most of the things we’re doing most of the time. You just felt bad, and wanted to feel good. You just wanted to feel loved, and you forgot that love is everywhere. You mistook energy for objects. You forgot who you really were.
It follows that, next, you have to remember who you really are. You’re not a helpless, lonely object. You’re energy, and you are connected to all of the energy in the universe all the time. When you die, your body (the “object”) will be no more, but your energy will still be here. Energy cannot be destroyed. So it makes sense to say that that is who and what you really are. You aren’t fleeting—who you really are is permanent.
Even when you mistake yourself and the world for being made of objects, you still care about energy. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t try to defend yourself and take energy from “outside” sources. When you see a world of objects, you imagine that life is a constant battle for energy—to protect the energy you already have, and to conquer things that are not you so that you can take their energy.
When you see a world of energy, on the other hand, the battle for energy ends. You don’t have to fight in order to get by and to feel good anymore. You feel secure in your own skin because you know that, as energy, you are always connected to all the other energy that exists. You’re never alone. “Your own skin” is unending. How can you feel deprived and lacking when you’re connected to everything?
When you see a world of energy, you can freely allow all of this energy to flow through you and out into the world. You can share freely, because you know there always is plenty more. From this way of being you will experience a lot of love coming into your life. The specific forms love takes is not as important as the fact that it is not only present, but flowing freely.
Always assume that you are loved. Like seeing a world of energy (rather than one of objects), this is a choice you have to make. The world will not present you with proof: rather, it presents you with a choice to make. This isn’t a blind leap of faith, however, because whatever choice you do make (love or fear; energy or objects), you will see “evidence” of that choice in your experience of the world. Depending on your choice, you will see either a battle unfolding before you, or beauty.
No matter what you have done or what choices you have made in the past, always assume that you are loved. Whenever it appears otherwise, recognize what is really going on. Remember that what everyone wants is to raise their energy, and everyone is always either growing their energy or defending it.
No one really hates, and no one likes hatred. Everyone’s just trying to become more energetic—that’s all. When we forget that reality we try to do so in rather unfruitful ways. Still, raising our energy is always what we are trying to do.
In The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield wrote, “Connecting with the energy is something humans have to be open to and talking about and expecting; otherwise, the whole human race can go back to pretending that life is about having power over others and exploiting the planet.”
If you want your quality of life to increase, you won’t do it by accumulating more stuff or securing the love of a particular person. Objects cannot bring you security because they are impermanent. Real security can come only from embracing the permanent and recognizing yourself as such.
When you see yourself as being permanent- as being energy- your fear of losing dissipates. You know that, even if you feel pain, you cannot be damaged. Pain does not destroy you: instead, it teaches you. From this pain you learn, and from what you learn your energy increases. When your energy increases, you can share yourself more freely with the world. Then you’ll come upon a new challenge, learn a new lesson, and grow further. And this process continues indefinitely, as long as you consciously participate in it.
The way to feel good is not to detach from life. Detachment is a statement that life is too painful to look square in the eye. Instead, recognize life for what it really is- energy- and embrace it. Once you do that, the fear of emptiness and of hurting will be long behind you. You will find that what lies beyond suffering is growth, and growth is joy.
And when you live a life of joy, well… What do you have to worry about?
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