The Transmission of Consciousness
I need this to be good enough for God. I only want to put out what will elevate the collective-- not what distracts it, stunts it, nor drags it down. Moreover, whenever I talk my aim is to stay on point. The point, in my mind, is what I refer to as "The Edge." In the previous post I said that the point is what I am becoming. The full name of The Edge could be, "The Edge of Ability," "The Edge of Reality," or "The Edge of Understanding."
The current Edge for me is making use of different states of being in the proper way. If I write from eternal inner peace, I might say, "There is no game here. I have only peace. I can tell you about anything I want, uninhibited. As a perfect being I have nothing to hide. I have no inhibitions because I need none."
But, then, I am concerned that if I try writing from timelessness I will be doomed to write from the "trapped in time" perspective at some point in order to convey anything of significance. As I said in the previous post, Can everything really be so harmonious and smooth? What is there to say about peace and perfection?
What do I really need to tell you about? Why do I bother?
It's not that this task is too hard. It feels impossible. Everything is too clunky. The communication gap between me and you is too big. I can't just hand you my notes, my brain, my consciousness, or the entirety of my life's process in both thought and event so far. Yet, for some reason, somehow, I want to transmit these things to you. I want them to be known. This, along with modulating certain states of being, is the current Edge for me.
I don't want to feed you mediocrity, since in doing so I would only be in a state of "feel-good" delusion. At the same time, the premise of doing this seems to affect my physiology and my consciousness for the better. It is like entering an entirely different state of being compared to what I am used to, which is thinking very much though keeping it all within myself.
The essential pain in life is that of separation: separation from Nature, from God, from one's ideals, from one's own center, from other physical beings, and from essentially any entity imaginable. When collective coherence is lacking people become egotistical, trying to take all that they can for themselves. In order to not be stopped by others, they must be regarded as innocent; consequently, they become adept at putting up appearances. By and large humanity has become a mass of destructive egoism and false appearances. This condition has reached absolute plague levels and is everywhere. The result of this is that I cannot just act as though others are on the same page and are interested in living with a high regard for the collective.
The conflict that is most central to my life now is that of separation versus unity. I love purity and it appears that purity must be fought for. Purity desires unity; yet, unification of all does not seem possible when many destroy what is pure. As I said, egoism rises when community is absent and chaotic separatism is present. For myself individual glory is tempting insofar as that glory means defying that which violates purity. “That which violates purity” includes the mediocre, the hysterical, the wantonly destructive, the anti-natural, the scheming, and the false. Fighting for purity promises both glory and sorrow-- the glory of being victorious in my ideal and the sorrow of an unavoidable separation. That separation takes place with different aspects of creation in different ways. I am separate from Nature insofar as I have not yet become what I seek to become -and am therefore not yet strong enough to embrace Nature fully- and also insofar as I am bound to human civilization. I am separate from other people to the same degree that there is a communication gap between us, seemingly unbridgeable due to the fundamental difference between my worldview and theirs. Where one sees opportunity, the other sees emptiness, waste, and even harm.
Purity vs. Itself
Now, what I see as central to the fight for purity is not the fighting in itself but the necessity of self-realization (and I am likely to emphasize this again and again). This means that I must become what I seek to become. To be pure and complete I must engage in the sharing of my life's process, thereby ending separation at least in consciousness. That is what I seek to do here, through this writing.
What is hardest is that in striving for purity I find it hard to be pure. As I said earlier, in a state of timelessness there is no game, and therefore there are no violations of purity to be spoken of. There is nothing that needs to be spoken of. When I enter time in order to stay relevant to all of the matters at hand, much pain comes along with it. Whereas in timelessness there is no game, those trapped in time are also trapped in a game, whereby they play to win and are doomed to lose at the end. My impression is that I must end the game. Ending the game is distinct from both having no game and from playing the game (and being trapped in it), though it possibly requires elements of both. In other words, I have to play the game in a particular way in order to end it.
The most important question for me is, How do I both align myself with purity and also defend it? Am I going to achieve some new kind of purity? It seems that the best I can do for now is to share the process of life and hopefully illuminate the complete truth of all things as much as possible. Justice is first and foremost about the deliverance of truth-- not the punishment of evil-doers. Humans go to court with the intention of deciding who wins and who loses-- who is "guilty" and who is "innocent." The priority of a pure court would be to form as complete a picture as possible as to what happened and why. The justice system has been corrupted to make punishment its priority. That is one reason why cowardice and lying are so widespread: everyone is afraid of being punished by someone who has called upon "Big Brother" to help them crush others. Our very system of laws has been co-opted: law is supposed to be about the deliverance of truth, and instead it has become about victors and vanquished. Purity's highest priority is truth. Corruption will put up any appearance and do any sort of mental gymnastics in order to "win"- typically as soon as possible-; and, this "winning" usually consists of egoism and destructive parasitism.
The question, now, is this. If a pure search for the truth finds a plague of seemingly irreversible egoism, what would purity do? Would it just let it go? Would it decide that in the interest of all certain parties must be eliminated, ideally as painlessly as possible? Or could there be- could there still be- a different way entirely? And how much more "searching" must I do, how much more must the world be destroyed, how much more must I stare the seeming inevitability in the face before it is time, once and for all, without question, to end the game which humanity has exacted upon itself?
As I face the conflicts related to purity the primary question remains, What am I becoming? Am I to return to the original perfection of life or to achieve a particular composition of qualities which has not been seen in a very long time, if ever? Will it turn out that this composition is, in fact, true to the original pattern of life, or will it be an entirely renewed version which has not ever existed amongst humanity before? In other words, am I to provide the rebirth of something ancient or to create something new which has its roots in the old? The reason for this last question is a suspicion that there cannot be a return to original perfection in its purely natural form. This is due not to the mere passage of time but rather to irretrievable losses which have occurred in humanity. This may in fact be the primary reason for the complexity of my thought. For I have asked the question, "Does everyone have to have something wrong with them?" And if the answer is a resounding, "Yes," then all that is possible now is either some kind of embracement of fallenness or a transmutation of apparent fallenness into a renewed form of perfection. I must say, again, that this will be done in a way which basically has not been done before. This has nothing to do with mediocre ideas about forgiveness, being "saved," nor accepting a person, "warts and all." Also, I say "renewed" form of perfection instead of "new" because "renewed" implies that it must have its roots in the original, even if it cannot be the original in absolute form. "New" implies that the new form would have nothing to do with the original- even in its essence- and that is absolutely not what is desired.
Everything has roots which have been used, changed, worshipped, debated over and battled over, and those roots almost always have meager beginnings which were at some point corrupted. When I think of a thing- a lifeform, an activity, an idea- I ask, How was it in the beginning? Why did it come into being? What was the original intention here? In the beginning there is purity of heart. Purity of heart is the opposite of jadedness, for it gives renewed life to men when they despair. I do not merely want my roots to be in the origins: I want to be with those origins. If life could always be at the beginning it would never become jaded, for in the pure origins there is pure heart.
Then, there is the end. In order to end the game, I must connect to the beginning. While the general tendency is to be trapped in a particular point of time, I intend on connecting the entire continuum of time while also living timelessly. In this sense the imperative at hand is to not only become timeless but to also be one with both the beginning and the end.