Selfless Idealism

"...Every thing is always exuding some song. The most important song to pay attention to is the song of a person's intentions. It's not always easy to discern what a person's song is. On the ethereal plane, nothing can be hidden, including motives and feelings, since everything vibrates at a frequency which reveals the truth about it. "

The following is a letter I wrote in June 2022, shortly after finishing Context For Duty. A few edits have been made so as to not reveal the identities of people.

The songs that I associate with this letter are, “Comedown,” “Glycerine,” and “Swallowed,” all by Bush.

Why am I writing this? The answer has to do with the timing of things. Now seems like a fine time to do this, given the level of refinement my thought has reached, and the way that events are playing out. Moreover, I would like to let go and move on.

Where shall I start? I cannot bring myself to bullshit you in any minuscule way. It is like I cannot talk to you unless I have to or it is about something important. In my 26 years of life this has happened with only one other person, an English teacher in her late 30s. She ended up becoming one of my closest friends, and knows me better than anyone else (except for “1” person), though it appears she might not want to talk to me anymore: I might have finally given her more than she can handle. Obviously she is substantially different from yourself, at least in certain surface-level aspects. But what I am interested in is the essence of a person. So it is time I pursued this and see where it leads. At work you appear to be a quiet, straightforward gentleman, but otherwise I know rather little about you. So I am basically just following intuition here. Why? I will do almost anything to keep moving forward, even if only in my thought process.

Every aspect of this message flows from one ultimate concept, which is idealism. Perhaps I should call this, “Selfless idealism,” though I've never used that term before. Selfless idealism is about serving a greater good than just oneself. Generally speaking, humans can serve the greatest good they are capable of by either improving the physical environment in which they live or by advancing consciousness.

This message also aims to clarify and elaborate on everything I said in the brief letter I gave you two months ago. I covered substantial ground in relatively few words: now I will fill in the details.

I will be honest that I have had many doubts in the process of writing this. In fact, this might be the longest I've ever spent writing something of this length, with the timing beginning when the first word was written down (June 9th). I've had concerns about how thorough I need to be in providing definitions of words and context for what I'm saying, without being too long-winded. I've had concerns over whether half this shit is even necessary to say, and of course whether or not you will accept it and understand it. I don't really have control over how receptive you will be to this, and I'm aware there are many people who would find some or all of this highly offensive or obnoxious, if not downright nonsensical. Indeed, there is more crudeness than there could have been. I left in a lot of unspecific words (like shit! everywhere) that could have been replaced with greater effort, but I really wanted to get this done in a timely manner. The essence of what I mean should still be present. Such is part of the challenge of trusting that this is even the right thing to do. In selfless idealism, I am serving something that is greater than either one of us, and I am obligated to surrender to its needs. So... let's get on with that.

On that note, it might be proper to begin with the previously mentioned concerns about hurting you. Imperfections and momentary errors/failures comprise just one way that I could hurt another person. Another is that, many times now, I have seen relatively bad things happen to people who either get in my way or choose not to listen to me. In 2022 especially, there appears to be an epidemic of this happening. When I originally wrote this, I shared several examples. I've since decided that they aren't crucial to delivering the most essential aspects of my message. The point here is, I did not want to put you into a position where bad things could happen to you because of me. As I mentioned at the beginning of this, I did not feel I could bring myself to talk to you anyway. It has felt like there is a weight too heavy to move which keeps me from doing so. As I said, I know it's because I cannot bring myself to talk to you about anything unimportant or unnecessary, and I don't want to do so anyway. But I am writing this now because recent events have changed the course of things. Indeed, you did have some bad things happen to you. (edited out how I figured it out.) I am sorry this happened.

Even so, it did lead me to reconsider my decisions here. Indeed, the same day that happened (though I didn't know about it yet), I made a decision to reconsider the fragile approach I had taken to talking to people about all of these matters. Starting a few days later, I ended up writing an 11,000-word article (which is not hard to find if you try to) which is the direct result of this decision. I am glad I was able to do it, as I like to find a proper way to honor a person's death when the circumstances and potential lessons are relevant. This honoring usually has to do with forming a better understanding of certain things and then changing course accordingly. The most blatant (though not necessarily the most important) example of my doing this was when my aunt died in January 2019. That was quite a kick in the non-existent balls for me. I had a 100-mile race scheduled for exactly 1 month after her death. After all the family gatherings ended, I spent about a week laying around, thinking about things, feeling my feelings and my sorrows. Then one day I decided that if I am going to race, I might as well crush it. I put in a 146-mile week of training. In spite of injuring myself during this, which pained me greatly during the race, I ended up finishing a 100-mile run for the first time in my life, after several failed attempts, in a time of 25 hours 33 minutes 58 seconds. And yes, this was outside in the middle of winter, but there was no snow on the ground. By the way, part of the reason I still engage in such apparently valueless and individualistic “coompetition” is to resist being too small and too easily silenced. Without it, I would be more isolated and out of touch. It's one way of sustaining contact with a more “normal” aspect of current humanity. Whether it's the “best” way is up for question, but I have to use the means available to me, and running these long trail races is the means I've made easiest and most desirable for myself to access.

I have had to accept that I hurt people by just existing. From time to time, people associate me with violence and evil. I think the reason for this association is that I am at odds with the dominant fundamental values of our time, and I am incorruptible in that stance. I value purity (which totally defies the dominant spiritual atmosphere of this world currently), and am also rather self-aware, deliberate, and independently-minded. There is a reason for everything I do. When I fuck up, I understand exactly why it happened, even right before it happens. I know what I want and why. And I strive to be brutally logical and extremely precise, even in my use of intuition: however, I am forced by practicality to seek just the right union of precision and timeliness in every moment. At times I am regarded as some kind of enigma. No one gets very close to me: everyone is always at arms' length, at least. I am a threat to people's existence, the way they want to exist and the reasons why they think they exist. If they were receptive, I could kill their egos. So that's why I am associated with violence in their minds. Plus, admittedly I am something of a monster. There are times where I become imbued with an almost extreme amount of energy, completeness of presence, and can do almost anything I will to. I refer to this state of being as Lightning. I can't make it happen at will “any time,” but I get a choice in whether to go along with it or not. There have been many times where it gets expressed as anger, and I have broken a lot of shit as a result. On 6/16, when I found out a certain person stalked me, is hoping to manipulate me into fucking him and/or replacing his wife, AND gloats to our co-workers about it, I went outside and ripped apart my keyrings. I recall that I saw you when I first got back inside, and I probably looked like I was ready to kill someone (then five minutes later I asked you about some work task, like it never happened. I figured I might as well tell you that, in case you noticed). That's an example of being primarily destructive, though these actions also send a message and mark the energy of a moment in time, which sets the tone for events going forward. Sometimes that is necessary to creating change and getting on the right path. When this immense energy gets channeled primarily into something constructive, it truly is my greatest asset. Sometimes it is a sorry and isolating part of my existence, but I think it is necessary towards me being a compete person; at least, complete relative to what I am trying to accomplish.

What am I trying to accomplish? This regards what I said in my letter about trying to make this lonely and degenerate world better, though the task is very difficult. In all honesty, the task is probably the closest thing to impossible, since fundamental change is so vehemently resisted. But I am like a retard who has nothing better to do, so I persist. I am trying to achieve equilibrium in every aspect of life, and ultimately a planetary equilibrium in which humans have established a sustainable way of life on Earth and can use that as a foundation to continue with both improving the physical environment and advancing consciousness. These two tasks should be of the utmost concern to any intelligent species. Before I speak much of solutions, I will give an overview of the problems. Then I will discuss much more interesting matters.

Things are very shitty on Earth right now. Very, very shitty, in every way imaginable. The most pressing matter is that environmentally we are fucked from a multitude of directions, all threatening to coalesce simultaneously in a catastrophic breakdown (and that's regardless of whether you include the politically-tainted narrative about “climate change”). This is hard to talk about because people assert the exact opposite. Everything I talk about is hard to talk about, mainly because people don't want to hear it. That's why I resign myself to writing. There is just no other effective way for me to state all of the details and nuances of what I have to say, without being interrupted. People don't like to admit that we live in a Hell of our own creation, but we do. Things are so bad that people assert the exact opposite of what is true, in order to shield themselves from the fact that they don't think there's anything effective they can do. People are under government control more than ever now, and yet we are told we are freer than ever. People are unhealthier than ever now, and yet there are more “health products” and calls for more healthcare than ever. People are more depressed than ever, and yet they make more of an effort than ever to show how “happy” they are and how “cool” their lives are, mainly through social media and status symbols like nice cars and trophy wives/rich husbands. Why? They figure it is comfier than the way people used to live, so therefore it is the “best it's ever been” and just in need of some improvements, when it's actually the worst it's ever been and in need of a complete overhaul.

Humans are terribly bad at getting to the root causes of their problems. They like to merely address symptoms. Indeed, the root cause of many if not all of our problems is the opposite of selfless idealism, which is short-sighted selfishness. This problem worsens over time, in direct proportion to the devolution of the human species. This devolution has been especially rapid in the last 150-200 years, due to the conception and aggressive advancement of the crude oil economy, the global reliance on centralized electrical power grids, and egalitarian ideals. All of these things have made humans dumber, more destructive, and less free. At the end of World War II, it was pretty much set in stone that we are fucked (yes, contrary to what we are supposed to “believe”). A possibility of redemption still exists, but the window of opportunity shrinks every day, and the likelihood that we will take sufficient advantage of it is very close to zero.

Regarding the three problems of crude oil, electricity, and egalitarianism, I will start with the last. Egalitarianism is the idea that everyone is inherently “equal” and should be treated equally as much as possible. Relative to modern times, egalitarianism took root in the French Revolution. Napoleon temporarily crushed much of the bullshit, but communism gained prominence after Karl Marx wrote his manifesto in 1848. This led to a multitude of communist uprisings in Europe in the following decades, until the Soviet Union was established in 1922. Feminism quickly rose to prominence after World War I, and civil rights movements followed World War II. Today in America, while we have an approximately capitalist economy, we have a kind of cultural Marxism. Here as well as globally, there is an epidemic of victim mindsets. Everyone tries to take advantage of some kind of victim status. The only group which is an exception to this is healthy, working age white men, which includes yourself. Indeed, when I said that I feel sympathy for young men, I did mean white men specifically, but I figured that would be pretty Wow for my first time ever talking to you. This demographic group is more responsible than any other for keeping the entire planet afloat, yet they get shit on more than anyone else. And they just take it, largely without complaining. Mainstream media loves to beat their meat about the terror of white supremacy, but the reality is that it is impossible for any kind of genuine white nationalists (which many are falsely accused of being, anyway) to organize on any significant scale.

This world is full of false appearances, and I have made a duty of seeing through them. In present mainstream culture, pretty much all values have been inverted. What is called “beautiful” is actually ugly. What is called “useful” is actually useless. What is commonly deemed as “Cool” is actually selfish, destructive, and downright disgusting. And so on and so forth. As for the way I conduct my life, I realize there are many instances where I look like a retard, or just strange. Like right now! But it's just an appearance in the eyes of other people, and that appearance doesn't matter. What actually matters is what of value I leave behind, and I will do pretty much anything to max out that contribution, not merely in quantity but also in quality.

Almost everything is a misleading appearance, at least for the untrained, selfishly-oriented eye. What is loudest tends to win out in this world, though only in the short run. The most important and prominent things live in silence. They do not need to be boasted about nor manipulated by/with words because they just are what they are-- there is no scheming one's way out of their existence. Indeed, words often are used to manipulate. They give an appearance which the shallow personality being manipulated buys into, because it perceives a possibility of egotistical self-gain in this appearance. That's how pickup artists manage to fuck 200 different women in one year, and why bix nood ooga booga muthafugga gangsta rap music is so popular. Indeed, white boys are so disenfranchised that their only play at looking “cool” is loudly playing obscene music made by black people. The white man has drifted from his roots- which include his attendance to subtlety and appreciation of nuance-, and has strayed into the loudness, the coarseness, and the boastfulness of black and brown, as well as both the paranoia and the manipulation which have been so well mastered by the Jew. The mass of people tend to gravitate towards the greatest show of overt brute force: that is why women clamor to become “pitbull mommies” and eagerly virtue signal to others how we should open our borders to foreign invaders. Whenever you hear shitheads gloat about how white people, especially white Americans, have “no culture,” remember my words. The various groupings of white people all have thousands of years of culture behind them, but it was stolen from them; or, rather, they were “humanitarian” and naïve enough to both cede it and allow it to be stolen from them. Masculinity has been lost by the exact same process. The fact that the white man is the most gentle demographic on the planet is evidenced by the concessions he has made to all other demographic groups, including ceding his social power to them. Europeans and Americans were amongst the first to outlaw slavery, which has been practiced by every race on the planet at some point throughout history (over a million white people were enslaved by the Ottoman Empire between the 1400s and 1800s. No one cares anymore, eh?). Yet, no matter how far the white man takes his humanitarian efforts, he cannot give to others his humility, empathy, sensitivity, and intelligence.

Today we have a generation of white men who have no culture to guide them nor brotherhood to be a part of. Instead they center their cucked existence around trying to not impose upon those who know they themselves are inferior and are terrified to admit it is true-- that is, their own women who have turned on them, as well as the other races of humankind. They resign themselves to watching and worshiping giant black men who play sports on television for millions of dollars. This is in addition to losing themselves in video games, cartoons, drugs, porn, what barely qualifies as being “music,” and other such shit – because the rest of society exists basically just to beat them down, in order to enjoy a delusion of being powerful. Then, in the rare instances where these young white men come to me- “rarely” because men my age have traditionally pretended that I don't exist-, I can barely pierce through the fog of demoralization. That is one factor in why I have not partaken in “segs”: I need to sustain the very long-sighted path I am on, and not share in some poor lad's short-sightedness and demoralization. I generally think it is proper for a woman to take on her man's direction, but I've found only one man with a superior direction to my own, and he sure is not my boyfriend nor anything similar.

When it comes to any of this shit, people like to gripe, “Oh, it's not that bad! At least you're not starving in Africa!” But, I mean, that is a really low standard of living. Like, barely even alive. People think low standards are a form of optimism or gratitude, but they're really just low standards which are used to justify laziness and ego-driven, world-destroying actions. “Everything is ok, as long as we're not starving in Africa, paralyzed in a wheelchair, or slaving away in a Siberian gulag, right? Be thankful for your life! While I exploit it.”

Demoralization runs deep. We take the present circumstances for granted because we fail to compare them to the past. We do not look to the past because we have been taught our past is evil and inferior to our present. He who controls the narrative about the past controls the present. As such, we have become a rootless people. Where our ancestors once sought to build and secure self-sustenance, we seek merely to consume and self-gratify.

People conveniently neglect to acknowledge that egalitarian ideals have been forced upon the populace-- yet, in a disgusting act of manipulation and self-delusion, they call this, “Love.” The forcing of egalitarianism is a factor in why humans today do not really love each other. Instead, the vast majority of actions involve some kind of power grab or ego gratification. Women ubiquitously take advantage of men, most prominently in divorce courts: men have responded by eschewing committed relationships, resigning themselves to pumping and dumping the sluts instead. Relations between the sexes actually might be the worst they have ever been on this planet. Power-hungry freaks are happy about this because the disintegration of the nuclear family enables them to exert more control over and extract more financial profit from the populace of rootless, consumerist, selfish individuals. Indeed, feminism has replaced the father with the state. The tragedy of feminism is that women do not realize they are the greatest obstacle standing in the way of their ability to experience true love. The lack of love in their lives makes them bitter, and they take out the bitterness on men in a vicious, endless cycle.

That is at least one reason why I am in the position that I am. The present ass-backwards social order is so imposing that it can be undone only by one of the perpetrators, i.e. a woman and/or a non-white person. So that is my job-- or at least, one aspect of my job. Sometimes I feel badly that the world got stuck with me as it's non-savior (people have to save themselves). But I guess that's how it's gonna be, given the circumstances.

The reason I feel sympathy for young white men specifically is not just due to them getting screwed over by the exploitative selfishness and short-sightedness of older generations who started all this garbage. Above all else, it is the fact that they are not yet jaded. An older man is strongly set in his ways, which helps him in taking action, but he also is a hard-headed loudmouth who is generally incapable of change unless he is going to die imminently if he does not change. In contrast, a young man is strong, healthy, more open-minded, sweeter, and hasn't been hurt badly enough yet to steel his ego against this world. He still is open to opening his heart in endearment, instead of merely going through the motions for manipulative purposes. He is not as knowledgeable and refined as someone older, but his potential is more vast. It's an impressionable phase to be in, and indeed, countless others can and do take advantage of it.

In the end, the push for egalitarianism stems from a refusal to accept how humans were made. People have developed so much hubris and bitterness, they want to overthrow the natural order so they can enjoy the delusion of being a powerful individual for a short time. The healthy alternative is to accept being a mere part of a larger order (not the ruler of it), discern the specifics of their individual role, and carry out their job to the best of their ability. But people aren't really taught to do that-- they're just taught how to be a “boss lady” and other manners of posturing and playing pretend. They see others being powerful, and they think they should strive for the same thing. So they have no qualms over taking on psychopathy to get there, because they think that's what they're entitled to. Indeed, part of the problem with women today is that they aren't taught to BE something, only how to APPEAR a certain way. Furthermore, the way they are taught to APPEAR is fashionable, strong and bossy towards white men, and humanitarian towards the the poor, faceless, black and brown masses of the world. In the striving for mere appearances, they have become like psychopaths.

I wish I could protect you from all this shit. You are so precious to me. The first time I had a substantial conversation with my friend who I mentioned at the beginning, she compared me to The Catcher in the Rye. I loathed the comparison for a good reason. That book presumes the impossibility of overcoming the doom of the material world, since the main character ends up in a mental hospital after making a series of futile attempts to resist the shittiness and “phoniness” all around him. That is the exact opposite of the general trajectory of my life. Yes, I also am attempting to resist the shittiness of the world-- but I insist on winning, even if only in my effort level (E for Effort, eh?). I get knocked on my ass only relatively, never completely. I keep growing from each thing that happens; consequently, I am rather resilient. That's not allowed in mainstream thought: people are “supposed” to break, or go crazy, or become jaded and give up. But, of course, I am here to defy that kind of limited, foolish, disgustingly contemptible thinking.

These human problems are simultaneously environmental problems. Therefore, an effective and lasting solution must be comprehensive. That's why I have to concern myself with both physical and spiritual matters: at this juncture, completeness is required for success. Sometimes I work on building physical things: other times I am just wandering thinking about things or writing about them, like I am right now. I am much better at the latter. I did not get into any kind of trade until the beginning of 2021. It was only two years ago that I came upon solutions to the physical problems of this world, thanks to the only man I found whose direction was superior to my own, as I mentioned earlier. As I said in the first letter, that's why I became a machinist-- not that I really feel like one these days, being an office monkey. I could list the reasons why CNC machining is garbage which people have resorted to solely in the name of quick mass production. Especially lasers: they are useless to me, with their thermal expansion, shitty finish, and laughable tolerance of +/-.004” (which is inferior to the punches: precision-ground tooling will almost always outperform lasers). “Make more stuff, get it all done, just to make money, now, now, now”-- the mindset is a widespread cancer upon this Earth. I never planned on working as a CNC “machinist,” but most of my hours at my previous job were cut at the start of this year, which sent me searching. I actually applied to work in assembly, as a short-term last resort until I could find a more ideal job. But I was asked to consider the programming position, based on my resume, and I took the bait, seeing it as the most logical option available to me at the time. Every day, I wonder when and how I will make my escape: I admit the time has not felt right just yet. Some good things have come about from the job, not only technical lessons but also “spiritual opportunities”-- including this one right now, so I will get on with it.

I mentioned the crude oil economy and the proliferation of centralized electrical power grids, which have grown and are decaying right in time with the forcing of egalitarian ideals. The root problem here is that people want centralized sources of energy, made by someone else-- why? Because it's convenient given their current lifestyle and desires? Pretty much. Plus there's the problem of, “If other countries do it, we have to do it too, or we'll get taken over!” This world consists of people trying to get an edge over one another. Only a precious few take on idealistic aims, such as improving existence itself. I get it, but the cutthroat strategies are just going to end in destruction for everyone involved. Peak oil actually has already occurred. People don't know that because they assume the term is based on the total supply of oil available on Earth. Humans will never actually extract all the crude oil on the planet. As such, peak oil is defined in terms of our ability to find new reserves. Two of the planet's biggest reserves include the Ghawar reservoir and the Permian Basin: we haven't found any reserves which even come close to these in size, quality, and ease of access in over 50 years. That's why we've resorted to extracting low-quality heavy sour crude oil via hydraulic fracturing (in contrast to light sweet crude oil). “Heavy” refers to a higher sulfur content, which means there are more impurities to remove in the refinement process and toxins to “properly” (lol) dispose of: therefore, the energy returned on energy invested (EROEI) in extracting this energy is lower, if not even negative. Indeed, all crude oil extraction has a negative EROEI in the long run. People do not account for cleanup costs and disasters in their economic models, nor do they care about long-term consequences. Crude oil is alluring because it is the most energy-dense fuel source humans have ever utilized. But as the supply gets used up, the remaining oil takes more energy to access, extract, refine, and clean up. “Clean up” is a joke, since the toxic consequences stay with us. New York City is “the asshole of the world” because the oil barons of the 20th century dumped the byproducts of gasoline refinement into local waterways. People wring their hands about the horrors of cancer while refusing to acknowledge that we ourselves cause it. They want to live like irresponsible playboys and face no consequences for it. It's the same with the power grid, which is, of course, sustained by fossil fuels, and which contributes to cancer via demagnetization of the Earth's atmosphere (Chan Thomas observed this correlation in an experiment performed on mice). People do not seem to give a fuck how fragile it all is, how they have no control over these centralized energy sources, how solar weather events (especially of the Carrington variety)- which are inevitable- can and do bring the power grid down, how when it goes they will have nothing. I cannot really understand the mindset, unless the mind is cowardly due to demoralization, jaded from being surrounded by countless other cutthroat and short-sighted dregs, misinformed by the powers that be and/or confused from conflicting sources of information, and placated by drugs. A complacent society is one in which people are easily distracted and don't give a shit to pay attention to what is going on around them. People are afraid of being alone with their thoughts, and also of dying, hence the propensity for distraction. I feel sorry for them, but that doesn't stop them from doing the equivalent of bathing in their own shit and hoping they are getting cleaner from it.

When it comes to discussing crude oil, people tend to be reactive based on political biases. Any talk of reducing crude oil usage gets one accused of being a Democrat who wants to ban meat, make people eat bugs, and turn everyone gay. People really limit themselves by allowing themselves to think only in line with a political party, all of which today are malicious and bound for self-destruction. But they do it because they think they are entitled to a political system which works, which will provide for them to some extent, and will protect them. Again, it's all just a product of short-sighted selfishness, which is synonymous with retardation. The Democrats do not have a viable alternative to crude oil. Meanwhile, the people who beat their meat about extracting all the crude oil possible don't seem to know nor care that they can make their own crude oil at home, by using a pyrolyzer to recycle plastic. And that just gets you in the door... The problem is two-fold, really: it's not just the “incorrectness” of the technical means of energy production, but more so the motives for why it's done the way that it is. People want to sustain the status quo of our present way of life, and that requires large-scale production of crude oil, electricity, and food, all of which will go on until it cannot any longer. Without such motives, there would be an openness to change. But people are content with all this, basically due to placation (e.g. by drugs, as previously stated), indoctrination into individualism, and learned helplessness.

The basic technical solution to the physical problems is for humans to live in a state of equilibrium with the global physical environment. That will require a transition to independence from crude oil, which in turn requires a break from the consumerist, individualistic way of life which prevails now. Again, that is why I insist on addressing both physical and spiritual matters-- the physical solutions will not be sought unless the necessary spiritual qualities are first embraced. I recently have been working on a better way of describing the solution in its entirety. Still, I will give you an overview here.

Sustainability requires an extent of decentralization, which means people need to suck it up and make their own shit, including fuel. Fuel, in the form of syngas, biogas, and cellulosic ethanol (not the same ethanol that's at the gas station), can be produced from organic matter, and the leftover material can be used as fertilizer. Having an organization produce these fuels on a large scale would yield a negative EROEI. The only way these fuels make sense in terms of EROEI is if each property owner gathers the waste organic material from their own property and converts it into fuel themselves (or maybe teams up with a few neighbors to do so). This cuts out the need for shipping, which is wasteful but nevertheless taken for granted in the current state of affairs. Other viable forms of fuel are possible as well, such as compressed air, waste oil, and hydrogen (preferably produced through radiolysis as opposed to electrolysis). Most notable is the potential of cavitation as an energy source. I will spare details, though I will say the most noteworthy existing device which utilizes cavitation is Jim Griggs' cavitation water heater, also known as the hydrosonic pump. The key with cavitation is that it is a form of implosion, and implosion is many times more powerful than explosion. Of course, our current fueling strategies are entirely based on explosion, and not at all on implosion. Note that the government doesn't like any of these ideas because they would lead to people needing less governing.

I have two aluminum castings, both of which are stators for compressed air engines-- specifically, rotary piston engines, also known as the Di Pietro engine. Di Pietro is too greedy to make his engine and its specifications available to anyone but major manufacturers willing to make him a generous offer, in spite of claiming that he wants to “save the world.” So I will turn the tables on the ol' Boomer and make them myself, then share what I know about how to do it. I've gathered all of the information I've managed to find so far. To be clear, since I don't plan on selling the things (how many people would screech reading that?), and none of the information I have is considered a trade secret, I “shouldn't” come into legitimate conflict with him; but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Each one of my stator castings needs to be faced via turning between centers (on a lathe) so that each face of the stator is parallel to the other, and so that each face is also perpendicular to the cylinders, especially the bearing bushing bore (which holds the drive shaft and the bushing which contacts the rotary pistons) in the center of the cylinders. The goal is to produce a fine surface finish, ideally a mirror finish, which will need to be protected from damage from then on. After that, I will have to bore the cylinders very carefully: they probably do/should have a tolerance in the ten-thousandths of an inch, though what matters is achieving concentricity with the rotary pistons they hold, not some arbitrary dimension on a piece of paper. The bearing bushing bore likewise needs to be concentric with the bushing it will hold. Note that on a combustion engine, the internal surface of the cylinders should be rough enough so that there are recesses for oil to sit in: if the surface is very fine, the oil will flow out quickly enough that friction heat followed by seizing is possible. For a compressed air engine- specifically a rotary piston engine where the pistons are rotating as opposed to traveling the length of the cylinders-, it is acceptable to leave a fine surface finish in the cylinders, since only air, not oil, will circulate through. I thought I was going to take on the task in April, but then I got caught up in all this other stuff, and here we are now. “Managing” my time is somewhat stressful because it is not logical to think there is enough time to do everything that I need to do, in order to maybe, possibly, probably not make a meaningful difference. Of course, I know I do not have control over physical outcomes. Instead, I try to be guided by a sense of proper timing.

On that note, I could be much more elaborate about discussing problems, as well as the physical side of things. There are a lot of problems, with immense detail about them, and they need to be solved. But as I said, I'm not trying to get caught up in merely describing them. At least, not here. So now I am going to move on to the cool stuff...

Everything in existence is connected to everything else. If all the relationships between every thing in existence met at one point, this point would be a singularity. I refer to this singularity as “the void,” which is simultaneously everything and nothing. “Nothing” in the sense that it is just empty space- hence, the void- in which everything in existence exists.

I will be honest that I am taking this opportunity to go to the edge of my understanding, and articulate things I've not attempted to articulate before. What an honor. So it seems that certain people come into my gravitational orbit (I don't think that's the right name, but that's what I've got right now) in just such a way that they are screwed. They are bound to me in a way, fixed by a certain timing. Their actions and presence help me, teach me, or remind me of lessons at just the right timing. I've never really known what the other person perceives about any of it, like whether they notice any “coincidences” or don't give a shit. Probably not, because I am looking at life a different way, which is that I attempt to grow from everything I experience, rather than viewing the world as a mere set of obstacles to be exploited or maneuvered and trudged through, all for no apparent reason.

So I should tell you how I get inspiration. Like how did I write a 11,000+ word letter to you when I've barely ever talked to you? Well, it's like I said, every now and then a certain person enters my gravitational orbit in a certain way. Yes, technically everyone exists in the gravitational orbit of everyone else. But some things are pulled in more strongly than others. Now, the other thing to know here is that everything has a resonant frequency. Everything. This world is not merely physical. There is a vibrational plane which exists both in and around all physical matter. I refer to this as the “ethereal plane.” Scientific researchers and thinkers prior to the 20th century also refer to an ether, primarily the luminiferous ether. I haven't studied their work enough to have a thorough debate over whether they were talking about the exact same thing I am. I do know the guy who got the closest to what I'm talking about almost definitely was John Worrell Keely. Keely built machinery that is powered by specific vibrational frequencies, usually presented in the form of sound. Indeed, I also began work on such a device (not one of his) in Fall 2021, but I made critical errors and haven't resumed progress in five months. Ethereal plane technology is obviously not mainstream. However, that doesn't mean mainstream things aren't affected by it. The Tacoma Bridge collapsed in the 20th century due to being affected by the vibrational frequency of certain wind speeds in such a way that the vibration of the wind accessed the resonant frequency of the bridge, causing the bridge to become distorted and collapse. I realize that might sound whimsical or ridiculous, but there is video footage of this event, and it does indeed look strange. Since then, civil engineers have taken care to account for potential issues with vibration and resonance when designing structures. Sidenote: I was once told that if a laser cuts through the edge of a metal sheet before all the parts have been cut, the “harmonics” of the sheet will be affected in a way that the sheet could become distorted during subsequent laser cutting, like by bending or moving. I would be interested to see that... But I won't make it happen on purpose.

I'm not concerned with the vibrational frequency of physical machinery and objects only. People and their souls also have a vibrational frequency. At times, the frequency of one individual and that of another resonate in such a manner as to produce effect. Again, yes, the frequencies of all individuals are always interacting with each other and producing effect. But I am concerned here with resonance-- not cacophony, nor mere noise, which is all too common. It may help to imagine that every thing is always exuding some song. The most important song to pay attention to is the song of a person's intentions. It's not always easy to discern what a person's song is. On the ethereal plane, nothing can be hidden, including motives and feelings, since everything vibrates at a frequency which reveals the truth about it. A being with the proper perception can look to vibration to see the truth of matters. Meanwhile, a short-sighted, selfish, and/or immature being (such as a child) can be manipulated via vibrational effect. All words have a vibrational effect which is produced by the context in which the words are spoken. The context is the person's intentions for saying the words. A particular string of words, stated in a certain context, imposed upon a sufficiently vulnerable listener, can induce a kind of hypnotic rhythm by which the listener can be manipulated in some fashion (Consider the phrase, “The fastest way to a woman's heart is through her ears”). This isn't magic: this is what happens all the time, every day, all over the world. It's just that it happens too quickly, too subtly, in a manner too blended in with normal appearances for anyone to easily notice.

Why am I telling you specifically these things? Compared to almost everyone else I have talked to so far (especially in person), you are potentially in a position to be receptive to the entirety of the big picture more so than anyone else has been. You may have the ability to understand every topic I've covered here, and therefore the big picture as well. Most others I have talked to can at least converse about one or a few aspects, but they are weak, hard-headed, or undereducated in the others. But you have at least a little bit of all of it-- maybe. Obviously I don't know for sure, but I've sensed there is a possibility for some level of receptiveness. So that's another reason why I wanted to pursue this and see where it goes. There's an opportunity here to lay out the big picture in a different way from ever before, while still being relatively comprehensive; and in the process I get to clarify, refine, and expand my own understanding. Where did I get this impression about you? Well, it's like I said-- you seem like a quiet, straightforward gentleman. I've never seen you posture egotistically, try to look cool, nor try to manipulate anyone in any way. Nothing throws you off emotionally. So calm, so nice. No buttering up anything, no complaint. Of course, I don't know what kind of things you talk about with others. Maybe I am just kidding myself-- maybe I've just been around too many loudmouths and people who ultimately are insecure whether they admit it or not; so, finally seeing someone different is like finding a unicorn. Whatever the case, it's too late now. I can't be stopped from writing this. The “violence,” if my actions are such, will press on until its process is completed.

The reason it's difficult for people to talk about important impersonal matters is the same reason why people today do not love each other: they have to maintain a public appearance of coolness. It's all about ego gratification and appearances. Even in those times when I do get to talk to people about these matters, there's usually some aspect that gets diluted. It's difficult to think clearly, be totally open, and talk to someone all at the same time. Why? These things are at odds with each other. The other person's vibrational frequency is at odds with my intentions, so there is a diluting effect that takes place. Clearly I'm not abhorring every interaction I must have, especially not to the point of avoiding them. But it doesn't mean this isn't happening. The other person becomes a little less selfish and a little more open to talk to me, while I have to take on some of their words and ways to talk to them. If I try to totally stoop to their level though, or at least what I think their level is, I usually don't do a very good job. It's like trying to say something funny and just totally flopping-- I didn't think it was funny, and neither did they. In such moments, I am too far away from my own resonant frequency, and the more I stray from it, the more dysfunctional I become. I aim to strike a kind of equilibrium in the moment where both parties give and receive some kind of value in the situation. I realize that in mundane and momentary interactions, this dynamic is very subtle and may be close to negligible, but it still is always present. Now, my logic is somewhat conflicted over whether this is actually an equilibrium which is being achieved, or merely a compromise. My recent line of relatively optimistic thinking has me confident that it is an equilibrium. But if I was being more reserved or pessimistic, I would have to acknowledge the compromise which always takes place-- especially on my part. I would guess that everyone makes some kind of compromise any time they talk to anybody. Compromise the soul so you can express your ego to another person's ego-- that's what makes the world go 'round in this hellscape.

Perhaps it is worth noting that I am relatively skeptical of the feelings of attraction I have had towards you. I'm inclined to think that ultimately, it is just a very alluring ruse to motivate me to take such action as this. That doesn't mean you aren't a solid 11 out of 10, at least in my eyes. Motives are indeed worth noting here. A run-of-the-mill shithead, feeling similarly to how I do, would be motivated to try manipulating you into sleeping with them. Meanwhile, in the spirit of selfless idealism, I use the “same” feelings (I know they aren't all the same) to motivate myself to tell you about life, the universe, and everything. My priority is to secure the potential for future people to love each other, not to attain love with another person for myself. Love is impossible in the absence of interest in future generations anyway. I get that people just aren't going to get that, as I alluded to in the first letter. But I see it as the problem I haven't solved yet. I think my best shot at solving it is to just keep going, to always stay on point and make my best effort at whatever I discern as contributing to the fulfillment of my duty. Indeed, in my mind there is no division between love and duty to the highest interest. To genuinely make an effort at reaching one's highest potential is to have heart, and I think heart has the ability to appeal to higher motives in people (as long as the dominant selfishness is fended off for long enough!).

That may or may not make sense to you. I'm not into schemes. It's common to look for gimmicks or tricks-- ways of manipulating and exploiting in order to get what you want, preferably with a minimal amount of energy input. Scheming is first and foremost about laziness and greed: given that the aim is to cheat, it's not necessarily going to lead to efficiency. Indeed, in the context of the big picture, it's probably not going to lead to efficiency. Magic is bullshit practiced by people who think they can scheme their way into real ability. But the reality is that you cannot force any of this to work. You must be pure of heart and mind. That's what the elite occultist spirit cooking ooga booga voodoo retards don't understand. That is what every religion on Earth doesn't understand. They think merely going through the motions of some ritual will bring something to them, when meanwhile they harbor selfish intentions and a mind full of half-baked notions about how the world operates. People and their presumptions of mystical bullshit bring me grief. It's their excuse for not understanding, for laziness, for rejecting a comprehensive big picture, for refusing to see logical order, and for want of mere happenstance.

Again, it all comes back to motives. Purity of intent is the simple thing they do not understand. That's a factor in why I got so mad about the stalker thing. My motives are pure; meanwhile, someone else has ulterior motives. Gee wiz, maybe I am just a dumb nigger. But you know, what if it is all my fault? People don't know what I'm trying to do. Maybe if I gave them the big, full picture, then they would understand the reason behind everything I do and the way I do it. But man, that is a lot to communicate. I mean, this letter is 11,000 words. For me to recite this whole thing in person would take up to two uninterrupted hours. Like I said regarding mass production, people want things to be quick and easy, and that doesn't leave me with much room to provide a context that's totally at odds with theirs, and then fill in the details of the context. I hope to find increasingly concise ways of explaining everything, but this is where I'm at right now.

Even so, I realize that mere conciseness is not enough on its own to overcome the loss of purity of intent. The loss of purity of intent is a problem because with it is lost the original meaning and desire of everything. Almost everything on Earth has origins which consisted of a clear purpose and simple functionality. Over time, meager beginnings were lost to fighting which occurred due to malicious intentions. People have worshiped, exploited, and warred over matters which they do not really even understand. One such matter is morality. Morality was meant to be a guide for the entire species (as well as specific groups within the species) to travel the path which can best guarantee its ascension, without the species doing too much damage to itself and its environment. Morality, like race, was about family. Indeed, race includes the unique qualities, job, and destiny of a given familial group of humans. There is an inherent closeness and sense of connection within that family which cannot be faked nor forced. This enables the selfless idealism which arises from naturally caring for the whole group, instead of being rootless individuals who care only about themselves, which is what we are now. The original meanings have been thrown to the wind-- in recent times, due to feminism and feministic conceptions of what morality should be. Basic instincts, a sense of mutual protection, family, and brotherhood have been traded for meaningless abstractions, all so that people can virtue signal and give the mere appearance of being moral instead of actually being moral. Laws, originally meant to guide us, were warped in order to advance this crooked morality. Consequently, we have allowed corruption and for ourselves to partake in corruption, destroying our lives while claiming it's all for the sake of some morality that is as tangible as a ghost.

In originality, there is a kind of humble and meager perfection. Rarely is that perfection sustained indefinitely. Instead, everything becomes distorted and degraded over time, a tendency which I refer to as, “The doom of the material world.” The ultimate spiritual aim I have had is to overcome this tendency as much as possible. The most absolutely essential natural patterns and causes of death cannot be prevented. I am not out to mitigate death in itself anyhow, but rather, premature death-- the premature death of this planet and species due to a choice to be diverted from what is truly important. In making this choice, people remain caught up in petty squabbles over the meanings they have distorted, while the rug is swept from under them. That is what you see happening today with the conflicts over what bathroom people should pee in, who said nigger, who fucked who, what race was Jesus; and why would big meanie Russia invade Ukraine, surely it has nothing to do with fossil fuels. It's not just that humans tend to get swept up in the symptoms of problems instead of causes: they also get swept up in the most anal symptoms of matters which fall far from the real problem. People want to hang whoever is raising the gas prices-- they don't want to actually solve an energy crisis. They just want everything to become as convenient as possible for their ego as quickly as possible, no questions asked.

Indeed, I would guess that money was originally just a way for people to exchange value without having to barter. Today, money allows countless people to survive and even live luxuriously while doing nothing of tangible value, only burdening the environment instead. And yet, somehow, it is the most useless among us who are worshiped the most, when in reality no human deserves to be worshiped by any other. Human-worship is a kind of cancer; yet actors, musicians, athletes, politicians, and wealthy businessmen are worshiped all the time. Meanwhile, the people who do the most to keep our species going receive the least recognition. Why? Perhaps because people don't want to do nor even think about the hard work of survival. They don't want to think about what they are doing, why they are doing it, how they are doing it, nor whether it should be done. They would rather subsist on a job which shouldn't even exist, where the environment is created for them, someone else tells them what to do, and they simply do it. Then they collect their wage and use it to buy the necessities as well as the unnecessities of life, all of which were grown, manufactured, packaged, and distributed by someone else, the price marked up every step of the way. Then, when they inevitably complain about problems, they fail to acknowledge that all these problems stem from the fundamental choice they have made, which is to exchange direct engagement in life for business. Such is the “drunkard's walk” of mankind.

Alrighty, it's time I got to the last part of my letter. “I will keep you in my heart. I need something to give me faith.” What does that mean? Is it just figurative? Haven't I already kind of answered this without doing so directly? Well, the opposite of the void is the abyss. The abyss is an endless place of meaninglessness, lifelessness, and nihilism. Faggots would love it. But I don't! When I feel totally alone in this world, paranoid, doubting myself, etc., I feel the pull of the abyss. For some reason, in order to live with open eyes and heart, I need to have another person's consciousness in mind. Even if I am alone on the surface, my consciousness is not. I have always existed this way. So that is what the closing statement of my letter means. It's like there is a flood of tears you keep me from. When I say that, “I will keep you in my heart,” that is my reference to resonance. It's not really that I'm thinking of you-- it's that my state of being is affected by you, one of the consequences being that I am kept from the abyss. As for faith, I generally do not favor faith because it assumes an extent of uncertainty, when the consequences of my mission naturally should increase certainty in the process of human life. However, I cannot deny that there is uncertainty as to what the outcomes of life will be, since I do not have control over them. What is my faith in, then? There is no sense in having faith that "it'll all turn out alright" when that is not guaranteed and I cannot control the fact-- is there? Maybe I have to admit that I do want to have faith in a life-sustaining outcome? Perhaps I do.

This may be a good time to restate that the prioritization of egotistical appearances prevents people from experiencing true love. People are too proud and distrustful to make themselves vulnerable to one another, not merely physically but also in every other way. That is pretty much what I have had to do here. My ego sure did not want to do it. It's much comfier to just go through the normal motions of everyday life and not do anything out of the ordinary. But I would just be kidding myself. What would be the point of that anyway? I can't see it. Love implies a bond you can rely on forever, and vulnerability is the only way to gain access to that bond. It is an unfortunate fact in an imperfect world where people's egos prevail, and you have to deal with all kinds of maliciousness and protect yourself and whatnot. But I insist on bringing original perfection into being once again as much as possible, if not literally then at least in spirit. In originality, there is a sense of Home. The desire is to return Home-- not the box of sticks I live in (there's a superior altenative to that too, by the way...), but the place where my soul came from. The goal is to actualize Home in the physical world by building it.

That is the most important activity we do anyway: to dredge up all the uncertain fragments of thoughts and facts, imbue them with order, and bring knowledge and goodness to light. I refer to such as, emergence from the void, which is much the same as, prevention of the abyss. The expression of idealistic instinct is what lifts up this species from animalistic darkness. I do witness people partaking in this activity from time to time, even if it is in only the smallest of ways-- even if they themselves do not realize they are doing it. Underneath all the imperfection is the soul of intelligent man, undeniable, laying in wait for a time to shine. In the preceding moments, you can almost see the sweat of conscience pouring off the person in question, as they intensely debate with themselves over whether to abide by sacred principles or go back to comfortable sleep. Once they do what they know is the right thing to do, it is as if a shot is fired in the air which silences all of the arrogant, useless bickering in and around them. From the darkness and murkiness of the uncertainty which rules over an imperfect world does this individual pull the pieces together and take action which both honors his conscience and brings value to the given situation. A cohesive picture is thus brought to life, and useful knowledge, meaning, and inspiration is left behind for our species.

(There was a story here about a time when a person helped me, even though nothing obligated him to do so except for his own conscience. I didn't see how I could keep it in the online version of this letter, however.)

To address the cultural Marxism I mentioned earlier, the strength and ingenuity of the individual soul is the fundamental reason why I am not a communist: it has nothing to do with economics. As important as it is to be selfless and live in a manner which benefits a collective instead of just oneself, an individual must have free will and independent thought in order to thrive and serve his purpose: otherwise, he will be a mere sheep in the herd (or a cow. MOO!). It's a complete picture: the strong individual brings value to the group and environment of which he is a part.

Time for the end...

I've come to terms with the fact that some extent of violence and therefore, hurt, is inevitable to the process of creating planetary equilibrium on Earth. We can't not hurt our environment to some extent-- given the current circumstances, anyway. The key is to hurt only in ways which the environment can adapt. Likewise, the process of my life is violent (at least spiritually). I long to be non-imposing and to not hurt people, but I am fated to do the opposite. Every thought I think, every step forward I take potentially pervades the consciousness of this species. In a way, violence is all people understand, all that they will willingly succumb to. So, my process can't not be violent: otherwise, I will not get anywhere. I am here to build, but so too must I destroy. That which is destructive to what is valuable must be destroyed. There is sadness in having no one to be totally loyal to and to share duty with-- to have someone I would do anything for. My priority is my duty, and someone could be there to take it up alongside of me; but alas, they do not. So I must subjugate people to my duty, I must use them to fulfill my duty, and leave personal considerations on the backburner. From here does the sense of doing violence stem.

In the end, I am assured by the thought that every thing in life is an opportunity for continued forward movement, whether it is a person or a physical material. The key is to use everything properly.

I realize this was a lot to unload on you. I endured immense pain, discomfort, uncertainty, and isolation in the process of understanding all this. I did it because as far as I was concerned, the only alternative I was willing to accept was death. Let me live honestly, or let me die. I'm not interested in being half-conscious and half-alive.

I will confess that you are the hottest man I have encountered on this journey: I wanted to bare my soul to you. Wew! It's possible there are people who would get jealous if they knew I gave this to you. If anyone ever asks why I did, you can tell them it's because you're not obnoxious like them.

In closing, I will point out that events never happens the way I imagine them, so I will refrain from having any particular expectations for what happens next. I will be honest that every possible outcome I've imagined is “scary,” but I suppose this just reflects the fact that there is no escape from any of this shit.

If you actually made it this far, thank you for listening.

Kimberly Wrate
June 22 2022