Degrade Others, Infect Yourself
I’ve had this silly, egotistical mindset where I want other people to be weak and stupid and held back so I can look cooler. Of course, that doesn’t work. That attitude more or less infects everything I do. So I can’t run very well because I’m consumed with needing to be a picture of perfection and amazingness. And it’s extra stupid considering that I’m not terribly fast at running.
Challenging the Energy
Still, I went for the run that I did today, in which I dropped out before I was even 10% of the distance I wanted to go, because I felt like my life would shrink if I didn’t do it. The last month and a half I’ve let myself be held back by sniveling fears of being malnourished and poor and whatever. Stupid stuff.
So I wanted to show that that stupid stuff doesn’t have to be a problem—which it in fact does not (basically, I said “screw it” and went). I don’t understand that 100% yet, as I still fear a lack of resources at times, but I’m getting there. I’ve become less afraid of going hungry and being dirty and whatnot. I don’t feel like I need to put attention on my own survival. It’s really a petty matter, in the grand scheme of things.
In a similar vein, running is easier than walking. Basically, energy goes to those who show they are willing to use it. People really can have a lot of energy regardless of circumstances. But, we try to hide from it because it’s scary. It’s too much. It wants us to do things that we view as uncomfortable.
Meet Your Maker
What we must do, then, is slowly get accustomed to allowing more energy to flow through ourselves. It’s important to periodically, if not continuously, go way in over your head and do something you either aren’t sure you are capable of or that you know will be immensely difficult yet worthwhile (I like to call this, “Meeting your maker”). It is experiences such as these that are conducive to what is known as the flow state.
Similarly, as long as I want others to be lacking, I will be, too. Probably the most important and progressive thing I can do right now is desire better for others. Raise the vibe of the whole world.
How can I expect energy to flow through me and out into the world and not affect other people at all? Should I desire that the whole experience remains localized, to only myself? What is the use of that? That doesn’t do good for even me. If I cannot allow energy to flow freely- to go wherever it will- then I essentially have none at all.
Go and meet your maker. See what you are really made of.
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