The following is a synopsis of all the e-mail exchanges which lead to me writing the article titled, The Path to Brotherhood.
My Message to Brian
January 5 2021 10:39PM
I received these two e-mails in the last few days. This is the race director of the marathon I ran in September.
Hey Kim as we start the new year I’m going to try and make a resolution to try and keep up with my plans. It’s not much of one since I used to be really good at it but have only started to fade in recent months due to health issues, which will hopefully be sorted out soon.
Well anyway... On to why I am emailing you. This is NOT TYPICALLY how I would do this. In years passed I had texted people and meet up for a run with a paper in hand and some swag. With COVID and just as the aforementioned lack of motivation I am doing it this way.
For 2021 I am having some custom team jerseys made up and probably won’t have them for a bit but working on it. With that said...
I am making changes to the SCTR team and want to formally ask you if you would be interested in joining the team. This year the contract is super simple, to shorten it for you, come to 3/4 races, post on social media (if you have it), and wear your team stuff at other events as well. The cost will be ~$100 to help cover the cost of the jerseys (it could be less) however you get free entry into every SCTR event so you won’t have to worry about when you sign up or paying for them. You can just show up no more last minute signups!
I have been amazed with your abilities and truly one of the requirements for being on the team is the support for SCTR. You definitely are among the top for people who have attended most of the events and I see that and appreciate that. Also, the second most important aspect to being on the team is being humble and kind. I see both of those qualities in you and know you will represent SCTR the way I hope it to be.
If you would like to join please just respond and let me know. We can go over the formal stuff later and I’ll do my best to get you a jersey to take a photo in.
Thanks for your support over the years and looking forward to talking with you soon.
Ok thank you for the reply. In all honesty I guess this should have been a conversation for in person and unfortunately because of 2020 things have not had the opportunity to do so. I know this isn't much of a turn around as I sent the initial email to you only just Friday afternoon. Since your reply only 1 hour ago some things have potentially changed and I'm not sure exactly how to proceed so I will do so as is.
Your blog has been brought to my attention and I've spent the better part of the last hour going through it. While from what I can see in the postings and conversations they are mostly emails from other people and not necessarily your words. However there are a number of posts in there that make me concerned with some frequent use of the n word and honestly just some opinions on topics that I just cannot agree on.
Salt City Trail Running has always been built on the foundation that we love and respect everyone and encourage the best of every individual. These posts and the things I have had time to read through do not seem to meet this. I do not know if these things are necessarily the way you believe but I would certainly welcome some clarification. If you would like to proceed with further talks about potentially joining the team please let me know and we can talk further about that potential.
I have enjoyed watching you race and hope to continue to see you at the races. The competition between you and the other top females has become quite fun to watch over the years.
Message from Brian: #65
Brian responded with his 65th e-mail message to me.
January 5 2021 11:33PM
I was going to tell you that you did a great job editing that peak oil ensemble of emails. Thank you for doing that. You're a great editor.
About the invitation to the race team... I don't know what to say. It's your life, your blog, and you have to make the decision. Everyone makes snap judgements and false assessments. It seems as though the race coordinator has done that. Everyone tries to associate me with hate, and themselves with love. I'm not going to sell my soul to appease the degenerate paradigm these people have brainwashed themselves with. I understand if you want to delete the blog posts with me in it. This might be a dream come true for you. All I can say is follow your heart. I'm also not trying to insinuate that you even want to delete anything. I know that you care deeply about running, and I have no clue what the significance of being on this team is to you. I just don't want you to think I'm the reason why you had to give up on your dreams... if that is the case. Either way, good luck on your decision.
Next, I sent Brian two messages. Here is part of the second one.
My Messages to Brian: Part Two
January 6 2021 12:42AM
I might post our e-mails and his in a single article. It might be interesting to whoever directed him to my blog.
I've been thinking about what is the essential message I am trying to get across. Consider the following: "We are not in control. We did not make these bodies nor this planet. You cannot nullify what you are via emotional platitudes. Interestingly, accepting that actually enables you to unlock your highest potential." I could add that that is actually what I have have to learn firsthand through being a woman and not wanting to be one. ...That genuinely is part of the process I've undergone here.
What do you think? Is that presented both compassionately and completely enough?
Message from Brian: #66
Then, Brian sent me messages #66 and #67 within several minutes of each other. Message #66 is Note on Controversial Language. I posted that and sent it to the race director on January 7.
Message from Brian: #67
January 6 2021 1:45AM
I think you're a great writer. Might want to freestyle your own synopsis of everything. It might come out better than you realize. Do it the way you want to do it, though. Don't write it the way you think they want you to write it. That's my advice. You, as always, can do whatever you want with the emails. I ain't scurred, heh
I sent Brian two e-mails. He then responded with Message #68, which is in Levels of Transcendence. I replied, and then he sent Message #69, which is also in "Levels of Transcendence." I sent him two messages, and then he sent me Snap Judgments vs. Humility on January 8. I began work on The Path to Brotherhood on January 10, after sending Brian a message telling him that I was struggling. On January 11, I sent him a message containing a first draft of the article, and I sent another message immediately after posting the article on January 12.
By the way, the reason I don't always post my messages to Brian in full form is that they express a degree of emotion and uncertainty. I e-mail him in search of clarity. What I would prefer to share through kimwrate.com is my more refined thoughts, which I put together after asking questions to Brian. I might make all of the e-mails available one day, but I don't think it would be that helpful to post all of them on pages of my website-- at least, not yet.